Ok so, W and I agreed that she would pay her share thru June, as that's how long she said she'd be here. Just yesterday she txt me pretty frustrated with her son (my stepson) about a bad dentist checkup and I kept reassuring her everything would be fine for him.
She then asked that I help a little more with his schooling. My W makes more than me, so I'm unable to put up as much as her. I said sure, whatever I can afford, I'll help with. She then goes on to say that she's paid one mill for May and that she is done paying anything. I politely said we agreed that she'll pay thru June, but that that was fine.
And regarding helping with S / SS, we had a joint account which $950 is mine. I told her to just go ahead and keep it only if she promises to use it on his schooling, which she will. To which her response via txt was "ok"
Not sure what to make of her backing out of June's bills. Maybe she's feeling the pressure of moving out? Should I have not offered that money to her? (I could really use it) Any insight would be helpful.
I ended up going out last night. I had nothing left to do around the house and she was there for the night. This morning, she was grilling me about where I was. I'd like to be a bit more mysterious, but she asks SO many questions about where I go. I told where I was and with who, I don't want to lie to her. Part of me wants to say "why do even care, you're leaving me, remember?!" Ugh, a bit frustrating.
Oh, you are better than that. Is that what you tell yourself?
Why did you let her grill you? You don't have to lie to her! Don't you know how to tell her "end of questions" or even to "shut up"? She is not your mother. Neither are You on trial and under cross examination.
This is one reason she has lost respect for you, b/c you let her beat you down. Where are your b@lls? I can tell you. She took them a long time ago.
So...........when stripping yourself to the core, consider if you want to continue using sweet little lines about being the better person (b/c you don't stand up to her), or do you want to be a better man?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Oh, you are better than that. Is that what you tell yourself?
Why did you let her grill you? You don't have to lie to her! Don't you know how to tell her "end of questions" or even to "shut up"? She is not your mother. Neither are You on trial and under cross examination.
This is one reason she has lost respect for you, b/c you let her beat you down. Where are your b@lls? I can tell you. She took them a long time ago.
So...........when stripping yourself to the core, consider if you want to continue using sweet little lines about being the better person (b/c you don't stand up to her), or do you want to be a better man?
Thanks for that. I think she still cares and that's why she is asking. She didn't ask in a mean/demanding tone, more of a casual question/conversation. But I notice that she asks almost everytime I go out. I want her to care where I go. If my b@lls were in a vice, I don't think would go out in the first place.
I need to find the line where I can be assertive, but not be a d!ck, cuz that's what I always end up sounding like.
So...........when stripping yourself to the core, consider if you want to continue using sweet little lines about being the better person (b/c you don't stand up to her), or do you want to be a better man?
So would you suggest just telling her "its none of your business, you're leaving me, remember?"
the reason I'm asking is because I keep thinking back to the book, "will what I'm doing here help bring me closer or further to my goal". It seems counterintuitive to the book. Unless I'm not seeing something.
I need to find the line where I can be assertive, but not be a d!ck, cuz that's what I always end up sounding like.
This is a very fine line here. Consistency is the key IMHO. I think Sandi answered your question.
Guess I need to work on being more assertive then. In my sitch tho, I'm not sure that's the best route. We both spent a while just doing our own thing. I never had to ask for anything, I just did it. I'm trying to be empathetic now and do what's right. I feel I've done nothing but what I wanted to do, regardless of what she thought. Seems almost "more of the same" attitude to me. That's how I'm seeing it, maybe I've been blinded. Sounds like I'm not seeing something, so I'll try to be some assertive when she asks about my whereabouts. I'll report back.
I enjoy the advice, please step up with any more insight, thanks!
