Feeling lost 2

[srt]

Feel like I need to update this but some of the things I was thinking about in the last few days escape me.

W still cycling between being distant and "friendly", I'm still not instigating contact about anything - not sure if I should change this, somehow don't get the feeling she really wants any interaction.

Going back to counselling this week to get more access to kids, looking for 50/50 and will be putting strong fight against anything less.

Getting kids organised for my brothers wedding in the summer, W I think wants to be "around" at this event to see kids. Personally don't understand why she would want to be near my family after what she has done?

Also W asking if I can have kids overnight and then take them to my parents in a few weeks since she has work commitments, again I'm inclined to say sorry but can't help. She has shown no consideration for my feelings through this, and has made no attempt to resolve any of "our" issues, so why should I let her cake ear on this one!

W has birthday this week too. She has been showing signs of MLC over last year or 2 so it will be interesting to see what this is like. Kids and I went and got some small presents yesterday for them to give her, and we are making big 35th Birthday cards! I'm simply going to wish her a happy birthday when I see her this week.

Finally, as I've mentioned before W wants no settlement from me, does not want house, any money, and does not even accept maintenance for kids. This has made no sense to anyone I talk to about it - could it be guilt, or is it her trying to gain/show her independence?

Got the feeling she is slipping away again, she usually asks if I have shirts to iron and takes them, last meet she saw they were there but did not take them, I said nothing
The detaching is going better now I think too, but I must try hard to ensure I'm not coming over as cold or not caring. Still want the rollercoaster to stop but I know I'm not driving, getting a better idea of what Accuray is suggesting - what SHE has to do to win me back.

I do know she will probably suggest she can share a house, as friends, for the sake of the children. This is a no-go for me, BUT, I want to know what it suggests, still in the fog? not "done"? cake-eating? MLC?

Sometimes think it's my luck I picked a nutter!!!