Focus on me and my boys

[Painter]

Judges hate petty stuff - that's why I suggest to leave it for now. Ls sometimes are very combative on behalf of the client, but you need to pick your battles wisely. I've seen judges ream out parents for not being able to figure out stuff like that - they are willing to make a decision on custody, but they are meant to be a very last resort when all attempts to agree, have failed. Unfortunately, that can sometimes get tricky for a person dealing with a difficult ex-spouse. Sometimes you have to show through repeated court action that the other person is sabotaging the coparenting, but you should only bring matters in front of the judge if it's really important and you've tried everything else.

One consideration for judges when it comes to custody, is to give primary custody to the parent who is most likely to foster a good relationship with the other parent. So - they look for the parent who is not petty, who does not put down the other parent to the kids or anyone else or in court, who shares information freely and respects the children's relationship to the other parent, who is focused on the kids' wellbeing (stability, health, good caretakers, extended family (do you have your family around?)), etc. If you keep your focus on the kids and weigh every interaction with W in light of what is best for them (and that includes valueing yourself as the stable parent in their life and not put yourself down or be defeated), you rarely can go wrong. If all you say in court is about the kids and their best interest, the judge will appreciate you. If W says negative stuff about you, it will most likely reflect badly on her. That goes for what she tells the psychologist, too - they look right through that.

It will also look bad on her that she's already breaking rules - like taking their clothes, changing times, etc. It reflects on her ability to stick to agreements in the future. Show yourself as a very trustworthy and reliable person, and never petty.

My H has a security clearance. His ex tried to ruin that for him by claiming he had drug problems and other issues that could cause him to lose it. The reviewers knew they had just gone through D and didn't take her seriously, but it could potentially have lost him his job. Since she got a generous alimony, I'm not sure why she would try to cut off the branch she was sitting on, but it speaks to how crazy people can get.

As long as you have a viable plan and feel confident that you can take care of the kids, I think you should trust your L's confidence. I don't see how she could make 50/50 happen with kids going to school. I suspect the judge is going to say, 'if your parents can put you up with a house in Canada, they can put you up with a house in Michigan'. They also don't like people who presume things, so her going ahead with her plans already may also work against her.

I don't know if you have read up on the custody guidelines for your state, but I would encourage you to get familiar with the language and considerations. When you speak about custody, always speak of the children's right - their right to time with you, with W, with extended family. It will be noticed and appreciated.

That's what I have to share right now... hope it can be useful. I led a national blended family organization for 10 years and this was part of what we did - support families going through custody battles.