Life follows its journey. Still have up and down days although the pain seems to be less strong and fading away as time goes by. Didn't get much GAL this week as I was really tired and not sleeping well. Got woken up by thoughts about what I could have done to change the course of my M, but quickly came to the conclusion that I could have done nothing.
I saw H quite a lot this week. He came an extra day on Thursday as he sold an item and I asked him to be there for collection. The funny thing was that I wasn't much PMA as I was really tired but he didn't look good either! He tried to move something by himself, I offered to help him (despite wearing nice clothes as I was going out for a date), but he declined it. I saw he was struggling so decided to give him a hand. I wasn't expecting a thank you so I was fine with this. Then he asked me again if I wanted his help to move, so I said I'd accept it but he made it clear that he'd not enter my house. I thought to myself you have ready mentioned it, so I know! We have decided to split the cost of the removal between us, and this made me realise how tight H is. Always on a look out for a bargain, don't me wrong as I think it's a good thing but with him it was like that all the time. I like a good bargain, although at the same time I like to buy nice things not always looking for a discount! TBH this is so weird as I was always putting extra money in joint account as H was always spending for things that we didn't really needed.
I have been packing and I was pleased with myself as I was able to look back at photos, cards I got from H when we first dated/ got married. I was sad looking at them but no tears nor real deep sadness. I guess I'm on my way to truly detached! IC also commented on how she had noticed changes in me from when I started. She reckons that I have a hard time at letting go because I have this fantasy about the past ( when we were in love and happy) and I can't seem to detach from this! I know she is right as I have seen glimpse of old H lately. H is a strange person as he has been saying to his family that he isn't living with OW, when in fact he is! Is it that he is ashamed of himself or her?
Went on a date. It was a good night as I was back to who I'm (but still work in progress). Went with no expectation, and haven't heard from that person since then and I'm fine with it. The old me who have sounded desperate and pursued him but not this time.
I'm slowly getting there, and I hope everyone had a good weekend.
