WAW moved out, spewing anger, trying to detach

[SH_]

Hi rose,

Actually the situation with the religion is a part of the challenge but from a different point.

We were both raised in the same and our families are active in the faith. I served a mission for the church before we were married, but I had wavered in my faith off and on when I met her. She attended but more from habit than from conviction.

We married and then attended actively, but I continued to struggle and she would say things like she wanted to look at other churches as she felt they all taught the same thing. Her twin sister was the only member of her family to marry outside of the church and I think that was an influence to her.

About 5 years into our MR, we had some tough times and I remember after a particularly nasty argument, I left to cool off and was in my car praying and seeking guidance. After a time and things just not seeming to get better I basically swore off my desire to attend church. I felt very alone.

Weirdly things seem to get better in our MR and over sometime, my W stopped attending and we both were not active with church.

Many years went on and we did not really have religion as part of our lives. Then about 2 years ago, WAW decides to return to church. I support her, but am not ready myself. She said she wanted our d5 to learn of God. I agree that this would be good for d5. D17 does not want to attend as she was sorting out her own beliefs at the time as well.
During this time I am doing a lot of work on myself and self improvement. I am really actively engaged in trying to do more family things as well.

Not to long ago wife asks if I will come back to church. I was still not ready, but told her I was still trying to restore my faith, but I was working on it. I really was. Too little to late. She has thrown this out at me as well as another reason for leaving.

I was true to MWD LBS and faith became a huge part of me when the BD hit. I can't say that it does not look odd to WAW, as if I am just doing it to keep her from leaving, as I am sure it does. I can't convince her that my faith has been restored, because it looks like I am just trying to get her back. So I have to just follow my heart and faith now. God works in mysterious ways.....and I was too stubborn, but now I need him more than ever and feel he has helped me through this.

So the short answer, is that she has not left the faith, but she is picking the teachings and leaders that do not confront her on the churches view of family and divorce. But I can not judge as I was not following the teachings for so many years. My heart was hard as is hers now.

I can only pray for forgiveness for my sins and lack of faith. And I pray she may soften her heart, but more importantly that she may find the peace she is seeking. I will trust in God, and believe that his plan will benefit those that follow his guidance.

It is a hard lesson to learn, but I am giving it my all to learn from it now.