When someone enters a crisis, they must complete the entire crisis in order to get to the other side. There are times when something or someone will create a bump in the crisis and the person suffering the crisis will stop in mid-crisis or as I refer to it "snatched out of crisis". This is when the person returns to a somewhat normal self and puts his/her focus back on the relationship/marriage. For example, many times a person enters a crisis and then the spouse is diagnosed w/a life threatening illness...the MLCer will then focus on the spouse, or a child is killed, in some cases returns home and wants to be a part of the life once again w/the spouse and the marriage. Then after a period of time, starts the crisis once again.
Another example is when the LBS will do everything humanly possible to get the MLCer into counseling/therapy and the spouse returns home and attempts to live a normal life for a year, several years or even longer. Then another bump in the road of life, will jump start the crisis all over again and this time is far worse than when they started months or even years ago.
In a way, it's like an intervention that takes place for a drug addict and/or an alcoholic and they go into rehab and return home clean and sober and then something trips the switch and they spiral downward at a quicker and harder pace.
In your case, I think your h wanted to try one last time because he wasn't quite sure he was ready to leave on a permanent basis and when he found out that nothing had changed (in his mind), he knew he had to leave again. Crisis people are looking for change, change in environment, change in activities, change in people...but what they don't understand is that all of the external changes won't make them happy but for a short period of time and then they'll be out there seeking something else to make them happy. They don't realize that happiness comes from within and until they do, they will be running around trying and/or experimenting w/different things.
Right now, the OW is new, she is exciting and yes, she's stroking his ego and telling him all sort of things to keep him hooked. He feels alive for the first time in a long time...but that's lust and that will fade in time. It's a short lived "love fantasy" and it is not the true, heartfelt and deep love that we have experienced. He's feeling euphoric right now and until the day-to-day life takes over and things become routine again, he'll not be able to see what true love is all about. All of this is about him...not you. You didn't break him, therefore, you can't fix him. The only person that can fix him is himself.
For now, continue w/the no contact...but if you have to contact him about the children, keep the conversations on the children or any other safe topics. Try to avoid relationship conversations for now. Learn to be a good listener and really listen to what he says. There are times when they get chatty and tell more than they realize that they should.
Try to keep the focus on you and your children. You've still got some time to decide whether or not you'll go on holiday.
BTW, I'm attaching a thread that was done many years ago that has some really good info on it. It's a quick read...but it may help you just a wee bit.
