What Should I be doing 3

[roist]

In the book Michelle says state your boundary and back off. Really back off. Michelle recommends giving space, keeping busy, GAL etc but my understanding of the book is after such an ultimatum you give it time.

You are pressuring her. Too much pressure will backfire against you. You need to stop pressuring her. IMO. You have stated your case. She knows exactly where you stand. Restating it is just pressure. If she is really on the fence, you risk pushing her over the other side.

People here will advise you to act now. I agree that you cannot NOTfollow through on your boundary. Whereas I understand it is a strong sign that can pivot a situation in many (not all) cases, I think you are moving too fast. Give her a chance to think it through and get back to you. Use that time for yourself: get advice from the vets, plan your escape, make decisions basically prepare for the worst, hope for the best.

Disclosure is s heated topic here but the official line is less is more. Afterwards you will get advice from both camps. Just know that once done it is forever.you cannot untell someone. I have seen that being a future barrier in some reconciliations.

Another generality here is not to move out. Most advise it is the WAS that should leave. There are many good logical reasons for this. Them having to move is a big consequence and the practicalities involved can help make it more real. They are the one that wants out, so LBS should not be forced to accommodate their selfish BS. Others can elaborate on the dynamics of power buy I'll just say that I believe it is good advice in most cases.

I: understand you moving to protect yourself.I get why you want to do this asap. BUT even if you move out you have the same healing to do. You will still wonder about what is going on at the fire station.Some LBS cannot handle the what-if they have left the door open for OP. Unless really detached it can be an obsession that is fed by a troubled imagination. Detachment has absolutely nothing to do with your accommodation. IIt is a state of mind.

Regardless of what you/she decides, you have work to do and a path to follow firstly to heal and secondly to grow. Think about your path. This is where goal setting can help. To start with you probably should focus on personal goals.

I understand that your situation is playing out and you are taken up with the step by step unfolding of that situation. That is important and you have some good vets advising you. Listen to them. But bare in mind, this is going to be a long slog regardless of how it plays out and maybe by starting your own path now towards the YOU that you want to be, could help you change your ideas/focus.

Best wishes