Hi BluWave, thank you so much for taking time to think about my situation and write that post. I have thought long and hard about the same things you are bringing up. Right now I have zero info on what he's thinking or feeling. So that is why I decided to meet with him and get a reading on how I feel around him, and his whole state of being - is he soft and friendly? hard, cold? WHAT? Today my plan is only to listen to what he has to say. I am not going to make any decisions ...just listen and think about it based on what I learn today. I've been reading about what a 'healthy' separation would look like and ideally, that is what I would like to have happen. If he just wants to live here because it's convenient with no interest whatsoever in a future together, then that does seem like a very unhealthy choice for me! At the same time, I do have a lot of compassion for him and while I am sad at what has happened, most of the time I am not MAD or angry. There are a lot of behaviors on my side that led to his leaving. While I don't agree with his way of handling the situation, I do understand that he is scared and confused. You are right that I need to be very careful to not fool myself into thinking that seeing each other more often and being 'friends' will necessarily lead to reconciliation is not wise. But I know if I just show up today and say, if you're interested in our M then sure, we can talk about it, otherwise no, his defenses will go back up and it will be a long time before he wants to talk to me. Today is my first opportunity to see if everything I've been doing to grow, my therapy, spiritual stuff, meditating bla bla bla has had any real impact on my internal world and my ability to be calm and confident and cool, no matter what he says or does! I am looking at it like an acting exercise. I'll let you know how it goes. I have also been reading more about boundaries and self respect and know that if I get it together in that arena, I'll feel better no matter what. THANKS for your help and advice. very helpful 2x4!
