More detachment, less anxiety and the continued joy of limbo

[Zues126]

Good morning to all!

Well, I spent a few more wasted hours stewing instead of sleeping last night. I read a post from Cadet in a new thread that said most Ms here are over at BD, it's just that the LBS isn't able to accept it.

I guess I already kind of knew that, but it was pretty discouraging to see it put right out there in black and white in the first couple posts of a brand new person's thread. Why call it DB at all if a D is a foregone conclusion? I mean I get that we all need to GAL and all that, but why pretend there's hope if there's really not much chance of anything but a D?

It was just kind of harsh to see, I guess, and it bothered me. And then I wondered why it took me so long to see it explicitly stated like that. Maybe it's everywhere here and I missed it by sticking to a handful of threads so I could get to know them better. There have been a few cases where the WS came back, and I guess I sort of kept that in mind as a possibility.

I'm a data person. I would be nice to know what the data really shows.

Anyway, I slept eventually. I'm just feeling discouraged this morning, wondering why, if it's a foregone conclusion, I shouldn't just hit the D button with the L and get the process moving along, even if I don't want that outcome.

what's the point of the whole lighthouse thing...

Well, sorry to be a bummer this morning. I'm just a lowly scribe for my brain, and that's what's kicking around up there right now.

The data is grim. The fact is the vast majority of those that post on this forum don't salvage their marriages.

But just because we likely won't get what we want, it doesn't mean it's not worth DBing. Life itself is a hopeless battle in the sense that we will all lose everything and die. It's not that we can fight and achieve immortality, but it's the way in which we lose everything and our celebration of what touched while we were here that gives it meaning.

For the rest of your life you'll know there was nothing more you could have done to salvage your relationship. For the rest of your life you will be a better person. For the rest of your life you will have skills that will help you deal with the inevitable suffering in our world. This is why we DB.