New here need support

[SH_]

These are them times that you must be sure to live in the moment. It will energize you, and d7 will remember the moment as the time that dad was strong, loving and there for her during the challenging times.

I was told by a very wise woman that hugs, a fathers hugs are a most precious gift. Share this gift often and 2 individuals will benefit greatly.

Have a wonderful evening my friend. You and d7 are in my prayers.

[poschan]

Thanks SadHub

[poschan]

WAW is moving out stuff for her new place as I sit here watching TV with d7. Really sad that the bomb will be dropped on d7 and her world turned upside down. I get tears just thinking about it. I have to start to realize that do I really want to be with someone with such a lack of commitment to a family. I plan to call my MD as I'm really struggling emotionally. It seems worse in the mornings. Exercise doesn't seem to help. When I ask WAW why she is in such a hurry she says "its been since Feb!" wow over 12 years in 2+months? Wtf? I asked her if she was moving stuff just now in front of d7 (she didn't catch it). WAW gave dirty look and said "really".

[SH_]

poschan

My best advice is to do your best to not spend valuable time trying to logically figure out her actions. It is lost time and energy as I speak from experience on this. I know that is easier said than done, but force yourself to focus on helping it move forward. The whole go with the current as opposed to swimming against it.

You are wise to see your MD if you are struggling. Also an IC, and social circle that will let you talk out the chaos in your mind, and stick with the exercise. It may not feel like it helps, but it does and will help the healing if you can fight through and maintain it. Trust me, the physical and mental are attached and the physical can minimize the emotional stress on the physical.

I know the worry you have about d7, and at this time you will want to replace the worry with confidence, stability and the love only a stable father can share. Trust me, she will benefit from that more that tip toeing around it with worry. And it is okay for her to see you in moments of sadness. I was always worried about that but I can tell you they know even if you try to hide it. They also will provide you comfort and strength in their own way when they see it.
You are the stable parent right now. Place your focus and energy into that and I can't tell you the strength that you will gain to carry you forward.

Hang in there, keep your head up, let the cycle take its course and place one foot in front of the other. Read my threads for the things to avoid, the advice that saved me on many occasions and so you know that I feel your pain, but can tell you you can get through it.

[poschan]

Thanks SadHub. Me and d7 took a long walk to the park and lake. I had great joy watching her go from one thing to another on the playground. I plan to call MD on Monday.

[Phoebe]

I am also very glad that you are going to talk to your doctor, poschan. Reach out for any lifeline in this storm, and if your doctor has something that he/she thinks might help you, grab it and don't feel bad about it for a second.

Being proactive in caring for your health, both physical and metal, needs to be your priority right now. Put on your own oxygen mask first, right? Then you can do your best for your D7.

Have you considered finding a therapist? It may be an other avenue to explore.

[poschan]

Thanks Phoebe.I have had a few therapy sessions and coaching. I'm not sure how much I got out of therapy or might just need to find a different one. Read some of SadHubs thread today and the moving day must have been especially painful as I see my stich heading that way soon. Just trying to focus on today and enjoy my time with d7. Why does life have to be so painful

[SH_]

poschan,

You are right to just focus on today. Living in the moment is the best thing you can do. Not only because of what you are going through, but because it is an element of successful people. Being present in the moment helps increase joy, quality of work and minimize pain.

I want to encourage that you do not dread the move out day. I would tell you have a plan and stick to it. As you can see in my thread Vanilla gave me advice that I did not heed. The advice is to have another person there for you. It can provide support and protection if she were to act out as did my WAW. The other option is to take d7 and go somewhere else and have a good time. It is simply stuff and can be replaced. I would also take inventory and a video of your stuff as that can help in D proceedings if the need arises.

Therapy is good by having a good IC that works for you as well as you have to want to get something from it. Also your state of mind is key. I did not think it was helping me either, but I stuck with it, and after the move out not only did it help, but it has enhanced my healing process as now I look forward to it and get something from it each time. Stick with it, and yes, if you do not click with the current IC, seeking out a new one is a good idea.

Have a lovely day and don't forget hugs. Big, tight, father hugs for that lovely d7 of yours. It will brighten both of your days and provide strength.

[poschan]

Thanks SadHub.my state of mind has not been good. I went to church today and made a mistake asking my waw for a hug. She said 'why'? I said never mind and took the dog for a walk, run. Sleep seems to be getting worse. Like the others I wake up way too early. I need to realize this is her choice coupled with her lack of commitment. Do I really want to be with that type of person? I don't understand why I am so torn up by this and depressed. Maybe a grief counselor would help as suggested by Phoebe.

[SH_]

poschan,

I know the world is spinning for you. I know you may even start to be feeling like you are crazy. Let me tell you my friend. You are going through the exact same cycle as so many on this board. The severity and the longevity may vary, but you are not crazy I promise you.
Check threads for help, ask specifics and ideas will be offered.

For your state of mind look for counseling whether it be an IC, a grief counselor, a divorce care group, religious leader of any other type of counseling that you can think of. You will need to find what works for you and you will need to commit to it as it may not feel like it is doing much if you do not commit. On that note, be selective as well. Counseling that is not in line with your core beliefs will not help you. See MWD suggestions for selecting a MC. Same principles apply to other types of counseling.
I believe we have discussed the MD for assistance as well. I suggest the same approach as the counseling. Make sure the doc has your beliefs. Example, I do not like the idea of taking meds for long periods of time. My MD helped me review short term options to get balance when I was spinning most, but is following up with me so that I can come off when appropriate.

Sleep is a huge challenge. MD may be able to help. There are many sleep aids out there you can try. I have tried many and found some success, and many sleepless nights. Diet and exercise are helpful as is meditation. Meditation can help grab control of your mind, which ultimately is what keeps you sleepless.

Look at your actions of pursuit today with WAW as a moment of weakness and a mistake. Learn from it and move forward. You will slip up , but if you learn from it you will grow and progress.

Hang in there, one step at a time.