Cherry, you're right. Kid is so intuitive and precocious that I really need to db her as well and act as if with her too.

The weekends are getting really hard without kid. I miss her so so much.

Xh texted me some pictures of kid having fun. The only other time he did that was some time before the 2nd R attempt in the months leading to the D. He had wanted to 'assure' me that TP wasn't around kid.

It's good that kid is having fun. I know this is bad for detachment but why did he do that? What does he have to prove this time? That he's not the source of kid's stress?


The pictures threw me. They remind me that these are times I will never get to spend with kid. And I start to miss the days when we were all together.

I wonder if xh goes through the same thought process, the same regret and the same pain when I send him pictures of kid. Why do I send him pictures of kid?

I don't do it often but some times there is this irresistible urge to share with him snippets of kid's life. Whether or not we are M, regardless of how we feel about each other, kid is still our baby. And I thought that he should experience part of kid's life. Even if it is vicariously.

Maybe xh feels the same way.

Lonely lonely nights.

You can call me Dory/ Grl.

As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"

It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.