Please take some time to breath. Your posts sound self defeating and as if you are spinning a lot. Trust me I know the feeling and look back and am thankful for the folks in my very small social circle and on these forums for being direct with me in those times. For that I want to be direct with you and as they say around here, here is a 2x4.
You must turn all of your focus and energy to yourself. Do not worry about what he has done or will do. There is no controlling him, so focus on controlling yourself. I know first hand how challenging it is to create a social circle. My WAW and children are everything to me and I live in a place with no family. I am very introverted so I don't have many friends either. But this is the time to step out and make a social circle. It will be a challenge, but if you do it you will ease some pain and you will get stronger. Please do it. Check out the web site for Meetup.
Listen to your coach, that will be your best bet. If he wants a d you can not stop it. Your coach can advise how to proceed though. Know that there are not one size fits all answers. But if you do what you believe in, not what you feel, then you will be better for it. DB is counterintuitive but it is the best way to help you become the person you need to be to stand tall no matter the outcome.
Accepting what you can do and what you can become is the most important. Breath, be kind to yourself, be gentle to yourself, look towards yourself and what you want to be. Following the strategies in DR will help you DB until you are the person only a fool would leave.
Follow other threads to see folks at different points in this journey. This can give you perspective, hope and knowledge.
Please forgive me if this sounds harsh. My goal is not to make you feel down. It is to ask you to stand up and believe in yourself, take a chance to do things that are not in your norm or comfort zone. I send you my support and have you in my prayers.
Breath, take special care of yourself, and use the gift of time to your benefit. You will not regret it.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
