5 weeks in since she said she doesnt love me.(2)

[Natus]

Finding yourself in your marriage is most likely much easier than finding yourself outside of it. Because then you add the pain of D too.

That is a fair point. The D process will likely be draining on its own.

Yesterday i was a foul mood the whole day but its allowed me to examine the root of my feelings.

All this while i didnt realise i went into my default mode, being strong. Because thats what i do. Im the eldest of four brothers and i am the one my mother looks to to reign my brothers in, i manage and run a gym and a sports team and at work im also a people leader.

I have been to busy being the terminator that i didnt check myself for wounds. Not that i think it has set me back. Strength itself is an attractive quality.

Yesterday i've come to realise how broken my heart is, its in pieces, it needs my attention, it needs my protection, protection from the one i share my bed with. For the first time im looking at my W and not actually wanting to let her in.

My subconscious must be listening this time because i didnt reach out for her last night. I went to bed on my side and woke up on my side.

Is this a new day?