Some days are better than others

[EDF]

During the late-night talk we had a few nights ago (her talking, me validating), one of the things she had mentioned was actually that she had kissed a different guy (not current OM). Someone she met dancing and texted for a couple weeks in late march/April before it stopped (confirmed, for now at least). I knew from earlier talks when she had initially asked about an OR (Open Relationship) that she had been interested in him, but she hadn't admitted to anything happening before.

I wasn't sure how to handle it at the time, and she had just kept talking, but knew I wanted to circle back to say something. Ended up doing that this morning.

I told her I didn't want a big talk but had to respond to something from earlier; managed to stay calm. Was trying to thread a line to get several points across:
1) Try to encourage an environment where she felt she could be honest with me; hoping to leave the door open for her to come clean about the current OM at some point. That I didn't think she was a bad or evil person if they kissed or did more than kissing; good people make mistakes.
2) Communicate that what she did hurt and was a betrayal of my trust, and if we decided at some point that we both want to put energy into building a new/better relationship, that she would have to work to regain my trust.

I said what I needed to, and then left to shower.

I don't know how to feel about the results. She followed me into the bathroom and she calmly did more talking while I showered. I listened and validated.

She communicated that:
- She accepted responsibility for her actions; she said she was a little drunk but she could have stopped it.
- "I don't agree that I have to regain your trust, I mean I understand it, but... It just happened, its not like I was out trolling for guys" (I responded that even if the kiss wasn't planned, her wanting/pursuing something more with him for a while even though she was married was a betrayal of my trust; she had no response to that)
- They only kissed (which I believe based on the texts)
- She doesn't regret it, and she enjoyed it.

Sigh. I mean, it wasn't anything I didn't already know from earlier snooping. I guess it's a positive that she revealed the kissing herself, and came forward with details without me having to drag anything out. It's good that she seemed to accept responsibility for her actions rather than turning it back on me.

I take those as signs that she is perhaps not *as* buried in the fog as she had been, and am trying to focus on the "not believing what she says and only half of what she does" thing but the "not regretting it" statement was a real kick in the nuts.

Gotta refocus on GAL/Detaching and come up with some awesome weekend plans for myself...

Wife just called while writing this... let it go to voicemail... will see...