Lost in Fangorn Forest

[Painter]

What I described as a good or great relationship, requires both parties to be able to recognize their own needs and talk about them in a way that the other person can understand.

Unfortunately, many women (and men) are not comfortable doing that. I remember seeing a male counselor earlier in our marriage, who told me that my needs and - you can call it requirements - from H were reasonable and normal, and that I didn't do what many women do, which is expect him to guess what I need and feeling like it doesn't count if I had to tell him.

Unfortunately, he didn't explain to me how h could feel it was criticism when I expressed my needs.

And nobody can fulfill someone else's needs all the time, every day. There will be ups and downs. But if you can fairly regularly fulfill a few important needs for the other person, even if it is just listening - women really want to be listened to and validated, and I think that's one of the hardest things for men to do, because they feel it's either criticism or something they need to fix - I think that's replenishing the clue that holds you together.

Of course you are afraid of being hurt again! It would be very strange if you were not. I am, too. I doubt very much that I will ever experience this relationship that I think can exist.