What should I be doing? (2)

[Coconut]

As always, thank you... I appreciate your insight... Time to fasten your seat belts, this is gonna be a bumpy weekend... anybody know any good dating websites . I don't think this is going to go well, but I can't live like this..

[Jzmill]

Coconut- Good for focusing on you..I'm Struggling with that somewhat.

Would like your input when able...H continues to let me know when doing something/home late. I have been doing the same. As you guys mentioned above not reading into that, esp since his mind is made up on outcome he wants (although delaying telling me). I have been excusing myself and saying "going for run" " tired going to bed," etc. He will say ok. If leave w/o saying anything he may not care but think would be weird.

I selfishly want to stay and watch tv and be with him each night but know as you said shouldn't. You guys are the vets so know you are right but I fear me being busy/skipping out early occasionally may be obvious and may be exactly what he wants (to have more time to self since doesn't care?). Feel I'm on borrowed time so that's setting in I think. Thanks.

[roist]

Don't lose heart.

From what I have observed the WW always reacts badly initially to a strong boundary. Expect that. Then later she will respect you for it and maybe enough to really want to work on the M. This process can take hours, days, weeks, months or even years, if at all. I am saying this not to frighten you, but so that you do not expect her to snap out of it immediately just because you are doing the "right"thing. I hope for you that it is quick but don't expect it to be.

Don't forget to GAL. Initially this is great to distract your mind. It also gives both of ye space. That is a great start. Then you forget your worries while doing an activity and ultimately you have so much fun, you really start living again. This is great for you and as a bonus you are happier and more attractive/interesting to W.

Work on improving yourself too. Who do you want to be. On M many people become lost from their true selves. This is a chance to refind that man. Work towards being that better man. It will stand to you regardless. The more you like yourself the easier the rest of the process becomes.

You are doing good. Keep going.

[sandi2]

Coconut, continue posting throughout the weekend.

[Coconut]

So yesterday W was on the phone talking to someone and she said the OM name when referring to who took a picture. When she got off the phone, I said that it really hurts to even hear her say his name, she got really defensive and said she wasn't talking about OM but an old friend with the same name, but I realized how hard it really is going to be to try and get past this.

Last night WW Went to fire academy, later I had to go to store and drove by station on the way there, i saw OM truck at the station (he's not in the class, but does work at that station)... I started spinning, realizing that even if she's coming straight home, he is still there during her breaks, when she responds to calls, etc. I got home and had a few drinks, then by the time W got home I had calmed myself down.. When she got out of the shower I was feeling a little frisky, so I gave it a go, but got shut down quickly (as I expected), but then I started thinking about the text she had previously sent him saying what's under her underwear is reserved for only him.

I then realized that not only does there need to be NC for her to get over A, but also for me to get past it... So this morning I told her I don't see a path for us to work on our marriage with her being in contact with OM in anyway, that if she isn't willing to withdraw from her volunteering at fire dept, I would have to start separation and divorce process. She didn't say a word, she laid there for about 20 minutes in silence, then got out of bed and got ready for work, and left.

[cbtdad]

Good for you coconut!!!
I know that had to be so difficult. But that is your boundary and you have to set it. There is no way for your marriage to move forward with a third person in the picture
Hang in there! Continue to do things for you and your S
It's extremely painful and hard. I understand completely
I was where you are as well before
But if you focus and yourself and S it will make it easier

[CRW]

Hey Coco, can I ask you this?

When's the last time you laughed?

[Coconut]

Hey Coco, can I ask you this?

When's the last time you laughed?

I hate you for asking me that, cause I don't remember that last time I laughed, I mean really had a laugh that filled my soul with joy... I laughed yesterday, but it was a distracted laugh, superficial at best...

[DDJ]

Take yourself to the movies tonight coconut and watch a comedy. Just don't watch Bad Neighbours 2. Their wayward lifestyle will give you nightmares.

[Coconut]

Cbt, thank you for your support, I feel like I'm dying inside, and I am praying that she realizes what her choice means... She is flourishing in the fire academy, best shape she's ever been in and surrounded by friends united by the job, but will it convince her that the thing to do is take her sons dad away from him, and lose the support I've always given? I just don't know...