What should I be doing? (2)

[Coconut]

So yesterday W was on the phone talking to someone and she said the OM name when referring to who took a picture. When she got off the phone, I said that it really hurts to even hear her say his name, she got really defensive and said she wasn't talking about OM but an old friend with the same name, but I realized how hard it really is going to be to try and get past this.

Last night WW Went to fire academy, later I had to go to store and drove by station on the way there, i saw OM truck at the station (he's not in the class, but does work at that station)... I started spinning, realizing that even if she's coming straight home, he is still there during her breaks, when she responds to calls, etc. I got home and had a few drinks, then by the time W got home I had calmed myself down.. When she got out of the shower I was feeling a little frisky, so I gave it a go, but got shut down quickly (as I expected), but then I started thinking about the text she had previously sent him saying what's under her underwear is reserved for only him.

I then realized that not only does there need to be NC for her to get over A, but also for me to get past it... So this morning I told her I don't see a path for us to work on our marriage with her being in contact with OM in anyway, that if she isn't willing to withdraw from her volunteering at fire dept, I would have to start separation and divorce process. She didn't say a word, she laid there for about 20 minutes in silence, then got out of bed and got ready for work, and left.