Ouch. I dont think i can do what you are doing. Maybe im just conservative but the moment my W deliberately spend time at OM house overnight im filling for D.
Me31 W31 M11yrs S6yrs 23Mar16-BD 9Apr16-W admitted EA w boss. 27Jun16-W Changed job and promised NC w OM. 14Jul16-Continued contact w OM.Start of Separation. 24May17-Divorced.
That or a visit to the OM house with my baseball bat. Dont do that.
Reading the different threads I dont know how any of you do it. Coping with an acting out WW, yes you cant control her but i'll be damnded if i let her drag my name and marriage through the mud.
Is it soo different across the pond, is there no honour or chaste or whatever. Cant you stand up for your M and say whats not right or does noone care anymore? Does everyone feel so entitled to be selfish?
Why is it ok for any spouse man or women to be up all hours of the night with strangers of the opposite sex? How and when did that become ok on the pretext that you cant control his/her life?
You are in the M or you are not. Since when did it become ok to pretend you are single because you are unsure if you want in the M or not? and why do we put up with it?
Sorry venting but reading your sich i wonder why has this culture become this way.
Me31 W31 M11yrs S6yrs 23Mar16-BD 9Apr16-W admitted EA w boss. 27Jun16-W Changed job and promised NC w OM. 14Jul16-Continued contact w OM.Start of Separation. 24May17-Divorced.
Well to be honest, I can easily D her, I can lock the room door, throw her out as i suggested. But then i'm not learning anything.
It is definitely not okay for to disrespect our M and go out all night. I am not accepting it. But there is something in my character, something sooo deep that I need to change.
Whether she is around or not, I need to change that. I surmise that it's easier to change if she is around. I cannot know where exactly this journey will take me, but what i do know is that hurt and pain is temporary. When those feelings pass, I will be able to be born anew. If i choose to want my WW then, so be it. If not, then so be it too.
Plus I stood up to my M the day before, but who wants someone to stay at home that does not want to be with you. A small part of me wished that she actually started seeing OM2 full time, it will make the pain more real, but possibly more painful.
So i'm back to the drawing board. Giving her space and taking my own. Tomorrow night is going to be hardest, but I no longer have a W. The sanctity of M is broken. Why cry over spilt milk.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
Thats an interesting take. For instance i can probably forgive W once for swayying (or maybe not) however if they make a habit out of it i dont feel that i would hold out and stay to work on myself. I can do that alone and divorced.
Me31 W31 M11yrs S6yrs 23Mar16-BD 9Apr16-W admitted EA w boss. 27Jun16-W Changed job and promised NC w OM. 14Jul16-Continued contact w OM.Start of Separation. 24May17-Divorced.
I don't think i will forgive my WW if she actually cheats. I cheated on my XGF, then a year later we had a break, still were exes. She slept with someone else in those 3 months and I could not look her in the face. I did not want to be anywhere near where another man was.
But i do believe that this process removes those insecurities and you are able to love someone, even the WW, without thinking of the past, just the present and the future. Like it was when you first started going out. It's really detaching the pain, the fear, the sadness. The WW signifies all that we need to detach from.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
“Inside every child is an ‘emotional tank’ waiting to be filled with love. When a child really feels loved, he will develop normally, but when the love tank is empty, the child will misbehave. Much of the misbehavior of children is motivated by the cravings of an empty ‘love tank.”
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
If she has physical sex with another person. I know that you just stated that the EA is worse and that we LBHs fob it off, but thats because we see the body as sacred. The mind is not...
She has definitely cheated... mmmhhh... if i don't really think that she has cheated, how is she to understand that she has?
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
One thing related to love languages, if my WW's are physical touch and words of affirmation, should i not be doing a 180 and actually filling her love tank? I am trying hard on complimenting and noticing the small things she does.
Not wishing her on mothers day, especially since her mother had passed, definitely emptied what little was left in there...
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
Did you really think you were going to find something inappropriate on her phone after she spent the entire night with OM? My ex was pretty good about deleting anything he didn't want me to read. And when he spent hours of the night with OW, they talked to each other (among other things), they didn't text each other...
Whether or not things work out with your marriage, your goals should be the same. Detach. GAL. Focus on yourself. The roller coaster ride gets smoother as you get in control of yourself.
Originally Posted By: DDJ
I am trying hard on complimenting and noticing the small things she does.
