I met with my IC earlier today. IC was surprised about how insightful the stuff was I shared with her that I learned from this site. Thanks to all that have posted such hugely helpful information!!!
I told IC a little more about W's past, stuff I hadn't shared with IC before. IC started telling me, "yep, your W was projecting that onto you." I told IC about the example of W coming to a meeting and cowering by the door. IC said she was entering a room full of men, she was probably scared of men because of her father. I told IC that W was picked on in school. IC said that is because she was an easy target with her withdrawn/scared personality, that she learned from watching her mom cower from her abusive father. Makes me feel even more sympathy for W. Especially when I consider that I too judged her. IC said so many things that are just like what is talked about on this site.
She brought up that W will really feel the sting when something happens, I forget what the example was. I told her W is going to feel it even more when she is leaving the house for the last time. I know how much that hurt when I left, but even then I figured I would see it again soon. Though I thought it would have been sooner than it is taking. Wow would I love to see her feel that sting.
My IC brought up again that W may realize I did not do the things she accused me of. Or maybe she'll just stay stuck... Forever. My IC said that being W is seeing an IC, maybe she will get there. I still have no faith in her IC.
I mentioned W accusing me of being a narcissist. IC said the same thing as others (Zephyr?) posted on here, she is projecting that from herself onto me.
IC also said to use my sympathy for W to prevent the anger being unleashed onto W. To feel the anger is to be human, but to use it against her is not helpful.
IC also said I was being drained by living with W's problems all this time, always walking on eggshells... And once I am out of the grieving process and able to stand on my own, I will feel relieved. It's hard to imagine ever getting there. I want to, but how?
I felt better when I left the IC appt, but since have really come down. Still so frustrated that this is happening to me, to my kids.... Our lives being torn apart by the problems of someone that I thought I loved so dearly.
Closing thoughts.... If she came crawling back, I don't think I'd have the strength to push her away, even though I probably should. ;-(
