I don't have a whole lot to say today. My main thought is that I'm fine with whatever happens. There are a lot of advantages to not being with H. He is a very angry person with poor impulse control. We have radically different values. Our interests are also very different so it was difficult for us to find something to do together (very few things H would do, all daredevil stuff I was afraid of).
I can do what I like now, and not be berated for it. I don't have to worry about his mercurial moods. Not that I'm always Ms Sunshine, but I'm able to say 'Don't mind me, I'm just grumpy today.' H never had the self-insight to realize he might be in a bad mood and not everyone were idiots or out to hassle him. I could say exactly the same thing to him one day and it would be okay, another day and he would have a major blow-up. It's difficult and anxiety-inducing to live with someone who is very unpredictable and volatile. One of the last days before I moved, I was sitting quietly in the living room and H suddenly started raging in the kitchen. I went hot and cold - a real physical shock experience - before I realized he was angry at something else than me. I told him about my reaction and he seemed irritated. It was always me 'overreacting', 'not letting go', etc.
After a month of being cold and mean, he's nicer in the e-mails. We still don't communicate about anything but logistics, and it's all extremely brief, but he said 'thanks' in two e-mails in a row. He hasn't thanked me at all for a month. It may be from getting the deed to the house signed over, he's happy he's got it to himself now, so feeling more benign towards me.
It's the same dynamic. He wants something, he is angry until he gets it, then is happy and doesn't understand why I'm not happy, too.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
