(2x4). She doesn't want you, you are right. You don't want to be with someone that doesn't want you. And you don't want to be with someone that you have to convince, coerst, force, or control to be there.
(2x4). You believe nothing she says and half or what she does. Don't ask a question you are not comfortable getting a lie in return. You can't trust her right now.
The space is as much for her as it is for you. You need to let her be and do you. It's very hard.
Ralph88 Me 40s W 30s, D5 D3 , M7 T9 2013 B drop 1, EA found 2016 B drop 2, EA/PA? 2/16 Physical Seperation 2/16 I filed for D 4/16 PA Confirmed
Thx Ralph and darknes and dream. So you are saying that I need to put my head in the sand, give her space to decide if she wants to cheat. It is her choice.
All that I'm doing is pushing her away. I'm doubting that I have even a little emotional strength to accomplish the above. I think that I mustn't even chat to her at all, cos I just end up putting my foot in it.
I know that I need the space. I like it when I have the space. I don't like it when she has the space.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
How do I give her space and then also trust her at the same time?
You dont. Have you read the rules? Believe none of what they say and only half of what they do.
Originally Posted By: DDJ
She is definitely not going to choose me, but I'd rather hear that than the lies that she wants to make it work?
Why would you want to hear either? If you dont ask the question, you wont get an answer that hurts.
Originally Posted By: DDJ
OK, I get the appropriateness of her interaction feedback. But it's wholly inappropriate. How do I understate that?
Its inappropriate. Clearly. But theres not much you can do. If you see her texting other men, you can leave the room. If she goes out until 3, you lock the house up and go to bed. Protect yourself. Put the boundary around you. Not around her.
Originally Posted By: DDJ
It is controlling to ask her to shut out the world, but if she's willing then she should do anything...
I think you're stretching the definition of anything.
Edit - quote for wrong use of bracket ] }
Last edited by Cadet; 05/12/1610:23 AM. Reason: fix quote
OK, so my rational or irrational fear of losing her, depending on who you ask, is causing me to lose her.
She does not want to be with someone so all over the show. Again, I don't want to be with me either. I will only bring across inappropriateness and try. Just try.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
This didnt happen in a day. It wont be fixed in a day.
You need consistency and patience if you want to have a chance. Letting your emotions run your actions all over the map is not going to get you very far.
yes, thats my problem, i;m trying to fix rome in one day.
She clearly is unsure as to whether she wants to be married. She will be attracted to an attractive man. i am not being very attractive right now. I had the opportunity as dream stated to make myself look better about the interview, but instead i attacked her.
My multiple personalities are driving her away - those are her words. Not that I can trust them, but i need to heed any warnings that I can. I promised her that regardless of what she does for the next 3 days, i will not go mental on her.
I still cannot stop her from doing what she is going to do, whatever that is. Why does the human mind always expect the worst. I have always planned for the worst and the best.
Perhaps I should just plan for the best. If i can get my head around that... She's fallen asleep putting our S to sleep. Insanity is that i'm going to wake her and see if she wants to go out still. Plan for the best DDJ.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
Insanity is that i'm going to wake her and see if she wants to go out still. Plan for the best DDJ.
I may have missed it, but I didn't notice she confirmed she wanted to go... if you don't wake her, what's likely to happen?
- If she didn't want to go anyway, you will get to avoid the bad news and she may be surprised that you didn't pursue her and that you went out to have fun without her. - If she did want to go, then she'll know she has to be more assertive next time if she wants on-board the DDJ train.
Me, WW - Upper 30s BD - Apr 1 2016 EA - Apr 7 2016 (discovered; ongoing for months; did not confront right away) Confronted wife about EA - May 17 Wife sent NC email to OM - July 11
Thx for the insight EDF, maybe next time as she was already awake and had made the plans to leave. She was meant to go out today, changed to yesterday, but cancelled yesterday, and was back on for tonight. What can I do anyway.
We spoke earlier about the inappropriateness of coming home so late, especially in building trust. I never got an apology, not that i expected one, just that she loses track of time.
She is going to go out, whether I separate, D, cry, plead or do nothing.
My emotions will still be there. I need to learn how to control it...mmmhhh... control issues, yet I cant control my own emotions. Now that's a challenge that i'll accept.
Extra goal - and i don't want to confirm my tally for the day - "do not go schizo."
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
