So, what usually makes them care? When does the fog lift? What happens in a WW to make them in that spot again? If ever?
When they see that the LBH is not willing to hang around and be her backup plan. When reality slaps her in the face. When she experiences some type of loss, due to her waywardness. When her fantasy crumbles.
As long as you try to control what she does, or try to convince her by talking with her.....she will resist you and stubbornly press on in her waywardness. However, she will watch to see what you do. She isn't interested in being with you, but she's not ready to see you moving forward and being happy without her. She needs you available for her, in case things do not pan out with OM (which her plan A, as of now). She feels pretty certain you will be terribly lost without her. However, she wants freedom to do whatever with whomever. If you press her, chase after her, put emotional pressure on her, try to get her into counseling for somone to fix her.......she will move further away from you. When you let go and stop trying to "fix" her mess, and allow her to endure consequences that come from her decisions.........she will draw closer.
She really has to see herself losing you. Losing your interest in her. Losing your attentiveness. Losing your desire for her. Losing your friendship. Losing the special moments. Everything she gave up to be with this OM........she has to feel and see it.
Of course, that doesn't mean you really feel all those things about her, but she needs to think you do. Not by you telling her, but by what she sees in you. When a man really detaches emotionally, the W senses it. Until then, fake it till you make it. Don't be mean, hateful or cold. Just turn lose of that tight grip, and turn your attention on you, instead of her. Get busy doing things you have not done in a long time, and stop trying to keep up with her every move.
It really is you fighting for your M, but it is a different style of fight than you probably had in mind. We can't get it all said in just a few posts. It takes time for us, and time for you to process it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
