I send her this TM. I have to live my life as though you are no longer in it. Only you can decide if you want to stay, or leave. But i will not wait around for you to make that decision. Im not sure what you are trying to gain by starting this discussion. If you make her decide today, she isnt going to choose you. So, fine, if you want to have this conversation, do it. But she isnt going to pick you. As for the content, show her with ACTIONS not WORDS. Having the interview was great. Why not just tell her that you are trying to do something you want, something that you think will be good for you. Why turn it into this grand "I dont need you" speech?
She replies - I am trying , but you cannot see past my new friendships that i've created, sometimes its good to do things apart, regardless if its male or female friends. Thats where trust comes in.
I reply - New friendships are good. Bad friends are not. You have not shown me that I can trust you. Do you think that going out until 3am with strange men is building trust? If you do then you will never build trust with me. Show me action, show me trust. Im not going to say that this friend(s) is good. But it isnt your job to call them "bad". How about you validate that you like that she goes out. That you think it's important for you each to have a life. Focus on words like "balance" and "appropriate". Can you instead focus on your feelings. Instead of "you show me I cant trust you", say "I feel like it is difficult to trust you." Theres no arguing with that. Your statements are all about HER ACTIONS, not YOUR FEELINGS.
She replies - You want us to go back to where we were? I sit at home and be the good wife and do everything you say? I thought we gonna leave that people in the past but clearly not gonna and it takes two people to make it work...
I reply - No i don't want to go back to us before. I want us to make things work. But we cannot work if we are not together, if the one is out and the other is at home. So let's stay together at home and try to make things work. We stick together. After we can actually be together, then we can start going out again. Right now, its getting us nowhere. If you are willing to make us work then you will remove all distraction. You will leave your phone by the door when you get home, no chatting to anyone. I will do the same. We can check the phones before we go sleep. If your M is important to you, then you can easily do this. I can. So the only way you can trust her is if she comes home and shuts the world out every single night? Come on. You have to see this as ridiculous, right?
She replies - I really don't know what i want to be honest with you and this is probably going to bite me but in the beginning of our R I gave you time to make up your mind and the freedom. Yes, things have changed alot. I have changed.
(I only decided 10 months in that I was going to make her my GF, I never saw anyone else in that time. Was always looking out of the corner of my eye though).
And I need time to myself and for myself to find out what i really want cos right now i don't know. I have to see my future and currently I can't cos I am being pulled into so many directions.
I reply - Then you want a separation and a divorce. You want to taste the fruits hanging from the tree. I cannot be married to someone like that. I would like you to leave and find yourself with yourself. I do not want to be a part of your life or that type of life that you are asking for. You will thank me one day, but i cannot walk your journey with you. NO. She wants time and space to figure this out. As we've said all along, she wants to not be your sole focus. I agree with you that there should be boundaries of what you will and should accept. But if you want to be married, then this is not the way to enforce those.
DDJ - I hope that you can take a step back and stop focusing on her. This entire set of texts is all about her. Nowhere did you talk about your feelings. Nowhere did you validate/empathize. You say you only want to be married if she is XYZ. She isnt like that right now. So you can either divorce her or give her the time and space to become XYZ.
