Ironic... Just remembered, I had a vampire song on my phone as my ringtone for when W called... Have had it for a few years... Because it felt like she was sucking the life out of me even then.
They aren't kidding when they say love is blind. I mean like totally pulled the wool over my eyes and a blindfold added for good measure.
I spent 3k defending against her ridiculous OFP. Still didn't see it. And another 7k going back and forth through atty's trying to get her to go to MC with me. And still didn't see it. Beat myself up for 4 months, almost lost my job, couldn't function, couldn't sleep, and still I couldn't see it. I see it now. I was married to a child! There should be an IQ test and a mental evaluation required before getting M'd, to protect people like me from doing stupid things like thinking we can save someone from their past.
Now that I finally am seeing it, there is a glimmer of hope. A light (or piece of cheese) at the end of the tunnel. Detaching is going so much better, I feel completely different than I did just 48 hours ago. My anxiety is going away. I have an actual interest in GAL. I just wish someone would put her in the padded room she belongs in and give me my kids back. But I'm not going to be able to save them from her.... I have to learn to let that go too.
I have thought of a dozen more examples today of her immaturity... But I let them each go immediately and am not even going to write them down. What does it matter now? My IC said I am in a phase of "remember and release." I am getting really good at it. I see things, hear things, I remember her, and let it go. That song doesn't have anything to do with me anymore. It's not like she wrote it, someone else did. The song from our wedding, I've had that stuck in my head on and off for a while now, and the meaning is going away. I think now it may actually be referring to someone else in my life that I haven't met yet.
