Let go completely and let it all unfold, stand strong for Msd and her children. Know you are inspiring and one of my supports here on this journey.
Hugs and much love
V
That underlined part is the part I am struggling with right now. I am trying very hard to stay detached. The more empowered I feel the easier it is for me to slip into TRYING TO DRIVE THE BUS mode. Trying to ride the waves I have no business riding. And that makes me vulnerable.
Had a bit of a slip today. Nothing too bad, but I got a tad bit defensive when he pulled a passive aggressive move and comment all because I couldn't accommodate his schedule to make his "single daddom" easier. And my reason for not being able to accommodate was a work situations that would have cost me $$. Also, he is refusing to negotiate a custody schedule which is really the only roadblock left in the divorce, yet he expects me to constantly rush in to help when being a single parent is too hard for him. All the while creating this public persona of him being superdad with lazy exwife. I am damned if I do, damned if I don't. But I think a lot of that might be in my head.
Yesterday I did accommodate him and lost $100 to do it. Then he had the nerve to play the "I just don't know what to do about this...?" poor him card.
First I was trying to be the solution to his problem. Then I realized how resentful it made me feel to be rearranging my life and losing money, because he refuses to rearrange his so instead I gave him suggestions. He sort of took one of my suggestions but in a way that made me look neglectful because a dad reaching out for help from an aquaintance who doesn't know what our deal is comes across as "poor single dad needs assistance" but the mom that didn't do it is lazy and neglectful.
To top it all off I ran into the aquaintance after he told me she was doing it. So I thanked her for doing it, but again it really makes me look like such an ass--because she was helping him out by bring S from his game to his religion (even though they don't got to our church)--and there I am at the game--although I had to leave early to get to work. I just feel like I look like a careless mother because if I were the one calling the shots that is absolutely not the way I would have handled it, but it makes it look like I was on board.
I am probably just reading so much into everything. He is still playing games. he has been so super sweet this past week but that is only because he needs things. This would have been the second day in a row that I would have cancelled my client to accommodate his schedule. He should look like the ass not me. But this is me, once again, trying to orchestrate everyone's opinion of each of us. I have to just let that need go.... If I let it go it will all come to light in the end.
40s 2teens M14Y BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14 BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14 EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15 D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
