I agree that I have to concentrate on the here and now. My mind stll wanders back to the past as a way of understanding what went wrong because I guess I am still shell-shocked. It took only 6 months from BD to D and my life and kid's life being changed so irrevocably.
A lot of it is PTSD. Now, it's been 15 months post BD and 9 months post D. Everything can still seem surreal because just 15 months ago, yes, right up to BD, life was settling down and we were going to try for a second kid soon.
It was a unanimous decision to have a second kid and both sides of the family have been asking about it. He seemed calmer amd more prepared for a second kid. I stalled for time because I thought xh couldn't handle the stress of kids. He was really horrid and moody when kid was younger. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle on my own it as I didnt have any support from family.
Right now, I guess I am still mourning and reeling from losing life as I had known for the past 10 years.
It is tough but I know I have to be strong for kid.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
