Sorry to be away for so long. I am alive, but as I posted to RD, I feel like just that... alive. I feel all sorts of things in each chunk of the day. I am like two people in one body right now. Will update soon and tell all about crazy.
Your tread is helpful and painful as well. Looking into different points of view for MLC or not MLC, closures and all beyond is so heart breaking.
There are so many things to weight during this time, I guess only time will help to heal some open wounds and make us whole again.
I feel you are doing fantastic and is moving along with a wonderful life, but I also understand when you are quite and the reality of S, D and a life you built being down to ashes hit hard and the heart has no place to run but just hide inside some echo of Whys that are unanswered.
I spoke w/my sister that lives in Brasil, last sunday and she asked me if I would guess what ghost called her from the land of the dead. I had no idea and mention some names and then she said that her XH (she is divorced for about 5years now) called her to wish happy mother's day and tell her how a wonderful mom and person she was, is and he is sure she will always be.
She mention that he has getting closer, wants to know if she needs anything, more helpful, etc. and then this. She was shocked, she said she didn't know what to say even.
He still lives with OW, but who knows what got into him and he is changing again. My sister has moved on long time ago but it disturbed her. Made her think and guess of what is going on with him. My sister has been alone for all this time and does not really want to be with anyone since she is still raising her daughter that is now 14years old.
So, lots to think and we just know nothing about tomorrow. Everything is possible even when it looks impossible.
But is there any reason to stop ourselves and just wait on what ifs ??? So we move forward and forward. I think that if at some point in time we just disconnect our hearts from the WS then the bad luck is theirs if they attempt to come back, it won't hurt us anymore.
And if we decide to take them back, it will be in a way of a new R, starting from some kind of beginning. Who knows, anything is possible as long as we are breathing.
I have been under the weather and thinking of how many times you just don't feel too good or have low energy to keep going and I found myself more often feeling like that.
I think that our bodies took so much punches in the last two years that we are still recovering and the body is still trying to get to a more healthy spot. We need to be gentle with ourselves or we will end up seriously sick.
As always I love reading your posts and love if you try some open swimming. I love water, I am even thinking that at some time in the future I want to move to Florida to be close to the water. Of course, I do not like open lake swimming, I really like the ocean and the surfing. Not sure if I would attempt so much as I did right now, too many years in Colorado put me into retirement.
