I think my dependence on her is just as much my fault as hers, if not more... It started before I met her, she was there and filled that need for me. I latched on to her maybe only for that reason. And stayed maybe for that reason only. I do agree that she fed that need, and she needed that need.
I did definitely like myself, just the way I was, prior to BD. Though I apparently was missing the peace of myself that was independent? I'm not sure that is the piece that ruined the M? Maybe. I think if I withdrew sooner, she would have left sooner. The only concern is if my neediness caused some resentment when she wasn't home, I voiced it, it made her feel controlled. Something made her feel unappreciated. Was that my fault for not appreciating her, or her fault for "needing" to hear appreciation? I certainly felt she was underperforming in her role, barely contributing to our life, spending much of her life playing on her phone while I worked my a55 off.
Yep, I definitely see how I cannot change her. She will likely never become who I wanted her to be. If she could actually learn to function on her own maybe she would. Without her mother and friends being enablers!
I don't know. She wanted to go do fun things away from home, I wanted to work on improving my life. Different goals. I wanted toys, she wanted a nice house. We had all of the above, and it wasn't enough for her. She wanted to get out more and do things, I wanted to stay home more and do things in our nice house and with our nice toys. I think we met in the middle? Apparently didn't feel that way to her.
She picked the first house we bought. It was a dump but I fixed it up to be beautiful. She picked the next house. I told her I didn't know if I wanted it because I didn't want to buy another project, I wanted to start playing more. She insisted. I told her it would be a lot of work, and she would need to help. She insisted still. It was her dream house.
No matter what I did it wasn't the right thing, or wasn't enough for her.
The kids last night told me a list of all the things she plans on buying. It appears that now she wants toys and doesn't care about the nice house? Or thinks she is going to afford it all on her own?
GAL doesn't align with my goals. Projects are my life. Being an introvert is not a bad thing, That is what I choose.
On the other hand, I am trying to find someone to do a particular recreational activity with this weekend, one that has been a lifelong passion of mine and I would like to do more.
