God has his funny way of doing things. Today woke up not thinking about H and throughout the day, every time he popped up in my mind I challenged that thought and he was gone. I have been avoiding H tonight when he came to see kids ( well don't think I can say kids because he was clearing the garage, so didn't spend much time with kids!), unfortunately when I came back from singing he was in the drive as I was coming out of the car. He started to say that he was clearing the rubbish from garage. He apologised for not being able to look at me because he had injured his eyes. I validated by saying I'm sorry to hear that. Then he moved onto telling me that he'd leave things for me to have a look at if I want to take in new house. Then he asked me if I was sorted out for moving, I told him that I was moving on my own and renting a van, but he already knew that as he told me that one of my brother in laws who was supposed to help me can't do it! Nice for him to know in advance that BIL won't help and nice from SIL to tell me this! Then he offered to help me move but said that he'd not enter my new house. I don't have really much choice but to accept as everyone I asked to help me seems to disappear in thin air! I thanked him and said that I'll let him know.
Then he carried on talking about things in the house, and where I should put my boxes. It was a very cordial chat and it really hurts as tonight I saw my old H and yes I'm sad as I'm not as detached as I thought I was! I'm glad he offered to help as I would have never asked him to help. Also I know that he didn't help his first partner to move when he left her. I guess he is learning for his previous mistakes! Or he is just feeling guilty because he knows I have no family here! Before he left he told me what he was going to do with the stuff he put in his van! I don't see why he'd want to tell me that.
When is it time to give hope? When is it time to give up? As I don't do R talk nor talk about OW I don't know what is going on. A part of me want to believe that my M is salvageable, whereas the other part truly believe it's over. I remember his sister telling me that I can't make someone who doesn't love me to love me, and she added even if we were getting back together he'd not make me happy!
I'm not 100% happy but I'm not 100% unhappy! I'm ok at the present time. I'm worried that I have too much hope and that I'm beingvery naive to think that I could be a success in putting back together my M.
