I think it's less about not getting an answer, but more about letting him know that I am aware in the time we were deciding what to do, he was getting to know his GF. I just want him to know I know. And let him know how it made me feel that he went from me to her like that. Does that make sense? That's what's really bothering me. I actually know the answers. I know exactly what he is doing and why he is doing it. Probably more than he does. And he is actually someone with a great heart. But I just feel everything needs to be out on the table.
With my exH, I tried like an idiot for years trying to get him to give me a "good" reason for what he did so I could understand it. I was awful. I sent countless emails, had countless verbal arguments which all ended awfully. Eventually, I did give up and accept him for who he was, his OW for what she was and the situation for what it was. He did a bad thing with no remorse. I just ended up learning over the course of time what kind of person he really is. I just couldn't understand how he could do what he did to his wife who just gave birth to his baby. I wasted a lot of energy and time focusing on this, when my time should have been spent just enjoying my new baby girl watching her firsts, and half of that I don't remember because I was in such a dark place, and it regret it everyday.
Which is why I am need to do this. If me just letting him know what I know, even if I don't get not an answer can bring me back to life a little (the rest is my work, I know) well, then It's worth it. I feel pretty bad as it is, I don't think it could get worse.
And I don't want to miss anymore of my life. There are great things out there for me, so whether or not this works, I know it's the last step in my journey. There is nothing more to be done after this, but live a great, fulfilling life.
