For example, in my previous thread, I mentioned a text where in response to me saying I had confused feelings about our direction going forward she responded with something along the lines of there was no hope of reconnecting love between us. Most people here took that as a death blow to our marriage. However, my coach pointed out that I never mentioned love to her, she brought that up on her own, meaning the thought is still in her head.
Well, upon reading this post, and another one that bothered me a little bit, I re-read your first thread and down to the current page. I did not see that message above indicated. I did, however, see YOU as the one ready to throw in the towell and seem to think the M had had it. It was the people on this thread that kept your nose above water, and frankly, I have not seen anything posted on your threads that directly went against the book.
As for the board giving different advice than your coach..............IDK. Perhaps you gave them a different version, told them something you haven't mentioned on the board. Again, IDK. All we have is what you say here. I find it pretty strange that a coach would tell you that sometimes begging and pleading works (unless, of course, it was a case of abuse or some other exception). I have experienced, and I am not saying you did this.......but I have seen people in your shoes misunderstand.....even hear things incorrectly. I don't know how many times I have read someone's post who got confused about something in the DR book and say it didn't match with what we were saying. I would look back at the book, and find they were missing key points.
If your W is willing to save the MR, then fine, write letters, pour your heart out, build a great friendship, date, and pursue to your heart's content. But if she has a wayward heart, has another man in her head, and she is not willing to work on saving the M...........you had better look in the DR book at what Michele says for the those who have a spouse that refuses to end an A.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
