14 days of sheer hell, still in fog 5

[DDJ]

Dream, i've always toyed with the idea of her leaving. I've always had one foot in and one out - but my heart fully in it. I know that things have to get worse before they get better, but I refuse to just sit around and watch it get worse whilst i'm focusing on myself. IT's going to get worse regardless.

Right now, all of these things that i'm doing are preparing for the worst case. I do not have 3 or 4 months to GAL and hope that she sees, i wont care if she sees by then. I know what I want in a W, and within the next month or so, this WW will not encompass any of those things.

So as much as I need to GAL, i need to protect myself financially and emotionally for the inevitable.

As for what she is willing to change, right now, nothing. The same whatsapp friend that sent her porn, that she deleted a month ago, is back on chat with her.

I will become the person only a fool would leave, but I refuse to be the fool until that day.

She was upset about something I said when i put the car on FB, and blurted out "I don't know why i'm wasting my time with you." I never reacted. Some people need to get their wishes answered.
I told her that I refuse to be in an open marriage where one of us can simply say i'm going out, with strange men and then come back at 3am. I said that I will not share a bed with someone that does not want to share it with me. And that's me being honest as you know, I refuse to accept a cheating wife back. So let's see what happens at 3am GMT+2 since it just popped up that OM2 BF has passed his doctorate and she's going out tonight. I brought up the bed thing after she brought it up, as I was saving it for tomorrow when she was getting done.

I also said that the TMs between OM are inappropriate and got the usual, "i'm just flirting". She is not remorseful and probably might never be. She's even stopped cleaning, fog for OM2 is blocking the lighthouse.

I know that I gave her an ultimatum about the bed. The next ultimatum is going to be D. I believe that I am no longer working on my marriage.

Now i can focus on me!