Yes it is Pink, I am alive, but maybe that what it is right now, alive. Been busy, sick very often, lost, confused, hurt, strong, decided, crying and laughing... well, I am quite a mess and I am quite a warrior. I live by the minute and the craziness goes on and on... will update soon. And I would love to hear your voice, you can call me, that's why I gave you my numbers. You and the kids can also come to US and visit me and my kids.
I updated myself and I know very well how difficult it is. WW is saying all these things to you and in the same time she is insisting in helping the jerk.
I agree with everyone here that he is a leech, and I go further that he knows in his twisted mind that you may be generous with her and give her money, what means he can have it flowing his way.
Some people have twisted minds because they live inside that kind of environment for too long and do not know any different at some point in life. That's what they do and believe and they do not have the brains to change that.
Your wife was depressed and things went by for a long time. I wrote to you before saying that as a woman I kind of understand where she comes from as I was very depressed myself at some point in life. Being with you during the time of your sickness, raising 4 kids alone during that time, you starting your business and dedicating time and effort for the success of the company, ... and did I say 4 CHILDREN? It all played a good role on her illness.
AND I AM NOT BLAMING YOU RD... it is part of life and we do what we need to do, but sometimes we ladies push ourselves too far and add some menopause and sex issues with that, well you have a person struggling with depression.
I think that the whole letter thing is just a waste of time since she can sense and feel that you still love her. It may confuse her, but deep inside she knows that you care dearly for her. So why to direct her to think that you want her far away from you, when you want the opposite?
Why not fight for her love? Why not fight for your family unit?
What is happening is hurting your children more then if you sit with them and say you want her back and will fight for her. They will know what is your goal as a man and husband and they will also play their role as just her children and not take sides on the subject.
And with her? How could you win her back? I know, I know, it has been two years... and blah, blah, blah. But the reality is that we may go ten years crying the milk spilled and saying it has been ten years and we are still going around circles without resolution. If she is in your heart, then assume that and move towards winning her back instead of pushing her away. It may work and you get your family back together or it will slowly makes you let go for real.
See if you like my idea... and I have that since when I just came to the boards and I read a story about a man that helped his wife to move in with another man. He helped her so much and gave her so much support that she figured out he was what she was looking for all along.
The idea... Could you ask her how you could help this other man? If she does not have any involvement with him besides just being a nice lady trying to help this guy to get back on his feet, then maybe she can open up more about his issues and why she insist in putting him before her kids.
The way I see is that there is too much sadness around her, everything is bad and dark. Life around this guy should be hell and he is a big vampire just drawing blood from her.
RD needs to be the bright sun, the happiness, the laugh and good life. And you are. And that is why she did not let go of you yet. She is afraid, she is ashamed, she does not know what to do to change what she has done, so she stick to what makes her feel the little bit human she can be at this point.
I said before and I say it again. IMHO you can use this time to show her a new R. It will never be the same again. So, why not start a new trend R with her. Point out something she did good with a nice card. One day, leave a rose for her, nothing more, just a rose to thank her for cleaning something.
I have a feeling that this woman gave herself a lot during these 26 years and she felt empty at some point in time and that's when she got into depression mode. She felt worthless and she is showing that this is the way she sees herself.
Be the one to bring that worthy back, be the one to value her as a person, for all what she does. Help her to see herself beautiful again.
Like: "I was shopping with the girls today and noticed this blouse and tough you would like it, it is the color you like...just that, nothing more, nothing less. Things like that do wonders in a woman that is feeling like garbage. In the same time, do not be too available, do the DB stuff.
Maybe I have it all wrong, maybe I have no right to make your head spin in a different direction, but you are a strong man and you still love her. So, right now, you are the one standing for the marriage and carrying the heavy load. Michelle advise in her books that the work is harder then you ever tough about.
The urge to resolve things does not matter if your heart does not feel the same way.
With love, kisses, hugs and the wind in a face, Pink
