I don't know the "right" thing to do if you're hard-core DB, but right now my children are unhappy and I'm addressing that. We're just starting to figure out what works with regard to the boys parental schedule. My wife moved out on Monday and she brought them over on Monday and Tuesday. They'll be with me tonight so I invited my wife to have supper with us (just like old times).
Is that DB? I don't know, but it'll make the boys happy for us all to have supper together. That's really important to me right now.
So, in answer to your question, because of the boys, there's so much interaction between my wife and I that I can't go dark. In fact, I won't go dark because it'll hurt the boys. The best I can do is work on myself, GAL and be kind to my wife. I'm sure that plenty of others would disagree with that approach, but my sons need both parents and I think going dark would deprive them.
Having kids in the mix definitely makes it hard. My advice would be to be cordial with her in front of the kids, but I wouldn't take it anywhere past that. That way, its as dark as you can get, and your kids don't know when they aren't around. Slippery slope for sure, but your absence will give her time to work on herself.
