I don't see how any of those scenarios are helpful to your end goal of saving your marriage. Do you still want to work things out with your wife?
As far as I can tell, you two are separated, but living together. You're clearly not at the reconciliation phase of working things out. You cannot control where she goes, what she does, who she talks to... etc. Just like she can't control where you go, what you do, or who you talk to. You're both free to do whatever you want at this point. Of course your actions have consequences, but that's also up to both of you to decide.
The meaning behind "focus on yourself" is that you worry about what you're doing and not what she is or isn't doing. Yet, many of your posts are all about her! You're focused on her and you react based on what (you think) she's doing/thinking. Instead of focusing on yourself and working towards your goals.
I agree the text exchange between her and OM2 is highly inappropriate. However, that's her choice to make. I'm not at all surprised as to what the message said since she's been going out with this guy for the past few weeks and she doesn't get home until early morning. It's clear that he wants a piece of her and by her actions, she may be willing to give it to him. He certainly thinks it's worth a try.
You can't stop her from doing whatever she wants to do. However, you can choose to no longer work on your marriage. Only you can decide if you're at that point. Until then, focus on your goals. Make yourself a person only a fool would leave... right?
