Yes that is a struggle for you. But each time you have struggled you dug deeper.That is awesome.Your W has recently publicly announced that she thinks that you are awesome.That is awesome.You have become a man only a fool would leave and you are still growing.
I know very little about CSA but there are some marriages that survive and make it. The amount of work and learning you have done push the odds in your favour. I do not belittle what you are up against. TThat must be tough.
As for your struggle I find it healthy. I prefer that than to hear you accept this as being as good as it gets. You deserve more. You know that. You will eventually have the fulfilling R that you want. You know that too. Time will tell if your W is capable or not to give you that. I wish you luck.
If eventually you do walk away, you can do so with your head held high and know that that does not equate to abandoning your sons. But I understand where that thought came from.
Best wishes
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
