I appreciate all the advice I am receiving, and I am already benefiting from joining this community. I'm still learning forum rules and abbreviations, so I apologize if I do something incorrectly.
My H says he's been emotionally checked out for almost 2 years now. I think he sends mixed signals at times, and he acts as though he cares a lot. When I bring that up to him, he says he was just acting like he was happy. I know my biggest issue was lack of control over my emotions, which went downhill after finding out about his affair. I was shocked and heartbroken, but I forgave him each time I found out more information. I think because I was so forgiving and accepting of him, I was taken advantage of. In my heart, I still feel like he's making a huge mistake. I guess I just want more advice on how to accept to let go of this. Deep down, I know it'll be better for me to just let him go, but a stronger part of me deep down tells me never to stop fighting. He gave me the papers over the weekend, but I haven't even thought about signing them. I just don't feel like I am strong enough. Despite how much he has hurt me, I truly still love him, and it's very difficult for me to let go. Currently we live apart, so I tend to go into pretty deep depression because I am alone so often. We recently moved to a new city, so I have no family around me, and haven't made too many friends yet. I try doing things for myself that I enjoy like going bike riding and attending yoga classes, but sometimes I cannot even motivate myself to get out of bed. I tend to put a lot of the blame on myself. I've always been there for him, and I've always supported him. Granted, I made my fair share of mistakes in our marriage, but I never had an affair, and I never loved someone the way I love him. I'm just hurting and I want help to manage my emotions. I don't know what the outcome of this will be, but I do know I want to become a stronger person.
Thankful for this community.
Me: 29; H: 30 M: 4 years BD: 11/7/2015 I moved out 12/12/2015 D is in process of being filed
