The begining of the rest of my new life? (3)

[Ripe]

PHOTOS.
I need you advise on something.
I knew this day would come, but it took some time.
I love to take photos and I have been doing it for years. Since I came to work for this international organization I have been travelling a lot and visiting wonderful places. My photo collection grew tremendously.
I loose a lot of time taking care of it, cataloguing everything and keeping all the files in safe places.
Today STBXW asked for a copy of the photos.
She said she doesn't want the landscapes but at least the ones she is and the kids are.
I don't want to give her a copy.
It is not being revengeful or nasty.
It is something that I cherish, that is mine, and I don't want to share it.
Has anyone gone through something similar?

[SH_]

Ripe,

It sounds like you handled it the best you could. It is amazing how they continue to create drama where there is none.
I am learning that saying nothing when caught off guard is better than trying to speak with rationality. Kind of like speaking with a 5 year old throwing a tantrum. Say nothing and move on.

Sounds like you and the boys had a great time. Focus on that and the interaction with her will fade. You can't fix that but you can feel the joy of the memories with your sons.

Sometimes I think the longer they are by themselves the more bitter they get. But remember, her circus,her monkeys.

Have a fine day my friend.

[SH_]

My thoughts ripe on the photos are to be certain of your reasons and do what you feel is right. My coach would tell me not to do things with the WAW filter. Do what I thought to be good and right.
If it was your sister or a good neighbor what would you do?

It really will not have much bearing on your standing with her, so I say do what you feel is right. Just be sure of the reason that you do it for.

[Ripe]

Thank you for your post, SadHub, it was kind of an eye opener.
I have been thinking about the photos' issue.
I am not being true to myself.
My decision has everything to do with STBSX.
We have had parties in my office and also some walks in parks. I have taken pictures of such events and have shared them with my colleagues.
It is a fact that I do not share the original files, but resized versions with light watermarks, but I do share them.
What about STBXW?
Well, right now I would not lend her a hand for anything, since she fired me as her husband and she has plenty of friends. Also, this issue does not involve the kids, where I am always open to compromise.
So, the fact is that I don't want to give her a copy of the photos because it is her and because I don't feel comfortable giving her photos that I took or anything else that belongs to me.

[SH_]

Ripe,

I just wanted to pop in and send you positive vibes, support and wish you a peaceful day.
Look for those things and moments that can provide you with some joy and hope.

Be kind to yourself and take a moment to share gratitude for those things you are thankful for. And find a reason to smile. These things can make your feel better.

[Ripe]

Last Friday I was about to stay home for the weekend, a weekend without the kids because it's their mother's turn with them.
A colleague of mine invited me for a trip to a neighbouring country.
I declined at first because there might be the possibility of me helping my kids with a school project S10 is developing.
Finally I accepted the invitation thinking about the GAL principles.
We started the trip under rain and arrived at 22h00 at our first destination, an historic old town.
I had been here once before, in 2012.
It was during my first Summer trip with STBXW and a friend after arriving into this organization.
Walking into the same narrow streets brought every memory back.
I could feel STBXW walking by my side, I could recognize the restaurant and the table we sat in for dinner, I could remember the place I took a picture, with the help of STBXW, of a very nice lady (un)dressed in summer clothes.
The following day, Saturday, we went to a second historic town.
Again the same feeling. I recognized a shop we entered, where STBXW stood some time discussing a beauty product with the shop owner. I realized I missed the times I spent waiting for her to finish her endless choosing of clothes, shoes or whatever (let my future wife never know about this - I will deny it).
Our crisis was already installed, but we were still together, doing things together, sleeping in the same bed.
Anyway, I felt a bit of sadness but no anger or resentment towards her.
In fact, after some meditation, some pauses and deep breaths, I found I am in a constant state of lingering sadness and apprehension for the future, mostly because of my kids.
I will soon be divorced, in no more than two months, I will know I tried my best to keep my marriage, I will move on but keep these fond memories.
I hope I am a better person today.

[Ripe]

The kids are in bed and asleep.
We had a wonderful weekend.
I am now alone in the living room.
At moments like this I feel very lonely, not having anyone to talk to, to hug or kiss.
It is not every day, but these moments come.

[SH_]

Ripe,

Just a drive by check in to see how your week is going.

I hope you are doing well.

[Ripe]

SadHub,
My heart warms every time you come here to check in on me.
I haven't' posted a lot recently.
I am going through one of the three most important moments of my life right now.
Until nest Tuesday I need to make a crucial decision and this has been tormenting me hugely.
Right now I just want to say that I feel like Zues: divorce is a crime against humanity.
No children in the entire universe deserves this.
Last Wednesday I went to school to see my kids. It's STBXW day with them, but I wanted to take pictures of the Solar System project my S10 worked on.
STBXW was there, as well as a common friend, mother of a S10 colleague. I didn't know, but they have this tradition of going to a burger shop and eat together after school.
S10 invited me to go with them. At first I refused, but S10 insisted so much that I said yes.
S10 then said: "At least the family will be together for a moment." Then he asked STBXW if she would like to seat by my side and she told him not to ask difficult questions.
The snack went well and we walked together on our way home, since we live close by. When It we arrived at my street my boys simply said "Good bye, Daddy" and kept walking.
I felt immensely sad.
No kid in this world should have to say bye to his dad or mom like this.

[Ripe]

I have a lot of feelings right now.
In the last few days I decided consciously to let go of STBXW and, more importantly, to forgive her for the crimes she committed against our family.
I have not yet pardoned her, I only set the intention to.
I will now work on this, but just by setting this intention I felt relieved and knew this is the only way I want to proceed with my life.
By coincidence, yesterday I finished T. Brach's book about refuge. I have to say that this is the most important book I read since I started DB'ing.
It ends with a poem from Diane Ackerman.
The part that resonated to me is as follows:
In the name of the daybreak
and the eyelids of morning
and the wayfaring moon
and the night when it departs,

I swear I will not dishonor
my soul with hatred,