14 days of sheer hell - part 4

[Painter]

Thanks Painter for putting it into perspective. I took a train home and my WW picked me up at the station. As I walk towards the car, she always moves to the passenger seat. That is indicative of the role of the husband, the alpha male.

I got into the car, i said "i've been irrational, emotional, inconsistent and all over the place - how does that make you feel?" She said, " i think you have like bi-polar and i'm not sure who's going to be communicating with me" (jokingly).

I then said, "yesterday, when you said you want to go out on your bday eve without me, I did not ask you why, try and understand your reasons, i just reacted, so why?" To which she said, "well we're not in a good place, you're all over the place really and I don't think I'm going to enjoy myself with you around like that".

So, in the few hours that i've been home, I have validated, 180'd and did what worked. She is actually reading out her whatsapp messages to the guys on the new crew and tells me to trust her. They do want to go out again on Thursday and then Saturday again, so my heart will have to deal. I never reacted.

I said that I'm going out friday (cos i can really). She has asked that I tell her where i go and she will tell me where she goes. I will be a bit mysterious about it again. Need to keep her interest. She did bring up that with me going out "once a cheater, always a cheater". So i guess that I was right about her insecurity last week.

As for her own bday, she says that she wants to spend the time alone with me, and go on a date. So i'll give her what she wants (cautiously). I think that I had distanced to the point of being too cold. I was definitely pushing her away... not detaching.

Only one concern, she is definitely not in contact with OM, and says that he meant nothing, was just an infatuation - i do not foresee an apology anywhere in the near future. But that's future Dustin's problem. Right now, I watch and detach.

It's hard for me to relate to this alpha male thing. H tried at times to act cocky and domineering and I didn't know how to react. It actually came through as insecurity to me - which would be natural at this point, but to a woman, it might be interpreted as you feeling weak - which is the opposite of what you want to display. I'm thinking along the lines that a guy who knows he's the strongest, never picks a fight because he has nothing to prove. Makes sense?

Good for you on validating. I still hear some control and manipulation in there, though. I don't think you need to keep her interest by playing on her insecurities and jealousy, which you have said were warranted.

I think she's fighting for her personal freedom. She may be doing it in inappropriate ways, but she wants to be an independent adult. Having a child can make women feel very differently about who they are.

A close friend was just diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 50+, and she wishes she had known decades ago to get help and make better choices for herself in life.