P, That is a bummer that you had a reaction to Trazadone! I think it is one of the best sleep aids and tends to have the least side affects. Often people are given Ambien for intermittent insomnia, but it makes many people feel mildly psychotic and tolerance is built up quickly. ... Benadryl and Melatonin can do the trick and both are over the counter. ... I got to a place where I was taking everything and anything I could get my hands on (which was a lot), but unfortunately developed some pretty unhealthy habits by doing that. Not a good place to be considering I work in the field ... But I digress ...

So, in terms of the wayward husbands having traits in common, I think that makes complete sense. I hope this is not breaking any board rules, and I tried to elude to it in another post, but there is a book I think you should read called "No More Mr Nice Guy." When H came back and read this book, everything started to make sense to him. He could be the king of the Nice guys clan! he read it again and felt like he was holding a mirror up to his face.

So in a nutshell, the nice guys aim to please everyone else (especially women), and are relished in our society for not being "masculine" and all of the negative stereotypes that parallel that. My H was raised by a strict mother, did not play sports, and was often disciplined for any behaviors that were deemed to be offensive to women. So what did he do in life? Became the perfect nice guy husband, father, and co-worker. So as life got more complicated and stressful, and without having his own outlets and coping mechanisms, he snapped. ... And who was right there pursing and telling him how wonderful he was and that the deserved better? ... I am sure you can guess! The anger and self-righteousness swelled, the rug was pulled out, and thus history was rewritten to justify it all.

Is that a MLC? I have no idea, I am still not even sure how to define that. People have asked me if it was, but I don't know? Is the term MLC something that helps the LBS feel better? It is more of a justification for terrible and hurtful behavior so we can forgive them?

I am sorry to hijack your thread, Phoebe. I can't help but wonder how many wayward husbands suffer form the nice guy syndrome!

-Blu

“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela