Tread carefully, NYGal. W is being much too wishy washy, IMO. These are not the actions of someone who has whole heartedly made the decision to recommit to your M. After the things she has put you through to this point, she should be going out of her way to accommodate, include, and make you happy. Her concerns about what other people think of her, and putting off your return to the marital home strongly suggest that her focus is still on herself rather than you...and that's the kind of selfishness that led her into an affair in the first place. What's more important...what others think of her, or what YOU think of her (and making amends for the terrible way she treated you)?
I know this isn't what you want to hear, but to me, it sounds like she is still wavering. Was the breakup with OW her decision? If she wants you back, she needs to get over her adolescent preoccupation with others opinion and prioritize you and your marriage. Otherwise, this just smacks of more of the same behavior she's been engaging in all along...giving you just enough to keep you from detaching entirely, but nothing even close to what you rightfully deserve. Don't let her do that to you. You deserve more than the crumbs of someone's love.
