You sound very confused. Have you read any books that are pro marriage? If not, I am sure many of us can recommend some.
Basically, it is my feeling that you can find research out there to support any decision you WANT to make based on boredom, hurt feelings, frusturation, anger etc.. But someone making an important life changing decision should contemplate ideas, and arguments from every which side before rushing into a decision...especially one as monumental as leaving a marriage.
Marriage is not easy. It involves two people with different ideas and backgrounds navigating through the stresses of life together. But it is something you committed to through better or worse.
My husband walked away from me and young child because he could not handle the stress of life and marriage. He vilified me in order to justify breaking a commitment. Was i perfect? Hell no. Did I nag and complain and get lazy with house work? yes. Because I am human and flawed. Just like your husband. Just like everyone. My husband was certainly not easy to deal with. I have a memory like an elephant. I can come up with a list of things he did and said I was unhappy with from the time we were dating! I am positive you had a lot of flaws your husband was unhappy about too.
What did you expect in a marriage? How could you have worked together to improve your marriage?
Right now, as the LBS this is what I think....
I would be reluctant to get back with WAH. Not because of the things he said or did throughout our marriage but because he has proved to me that he is not a committed person. he left me and 5 year old when times got hard. Life is guaranteed to get hard. People get sick, lose jobs, lose parents, get in bad moods. The list goes on and on. So knowing this, means knowing that if I am not perfect, he will just leave again because that is what he does.
I think right now, maybe you should reflect on marriage and commitment and what you are honestly capable of. And perhaps evaluate your own contributions to the marital demise. Instead of waiting for him to show you how he has changed.
I am not trying to come across harshly. The fact that you are on these forums is really a great step and shows how much you are willing to learn and reflect. I hope it is not too late for either of you.
Can you perhaps give us a list of positive things about your husband? What did you like about him? What did he like about you? What would he say your flaws were?
