Looking for Support

[SH_]

Hi ahmeds,

I am sorry that you are in this situation. It is a challenging one and everyone here is going through similar struggles. You will find great support, many thoughts and ideas based on individual experiences and most importantly you will find sincere genuine care from everyone.
Post regularly and check others threads to learn from as well as lend any support you may have. I would not wish that anyone find themselves here, but it is a great place to find support and knowledge since we are in the situations we are in.
My first bit of advice is be gentle with yourself and be sure that you take care of yourself physically and emotionally. This is the best way to maintain calm and focus as you will embark on doing things very counter intuitive to many things you have done.

After separating in November, we began seeing a very good (solution oriented) therapist, and we made great progress, but about 3 weeks ago, he said he wanted to finalize the divorce, despite all the progress we made, he went against agreements we made in therapy. I just need to know if I should stop fighting to save my marriage. Is it already long gone? What can I do to help myself? Any advice would be appreciated.

Only you will know if or when you will stop fighting for the marriage. It takes 2 to make a marriage work but Dbing teaches that one can have an influence for the other to get on board. There is no right or wrong answer, but you will know what is best for you.

You can help yourself by Dbing, and remembering a few things as you do.
1. You can not control your S. Nothing that you do should be with the intent of doing so.
2. Dbing is for making lasting changes to yourself. They must be for you and becoming a better you. The goal is to be the person only a fool would leave. When you are that person, the decision will not hurt you regardless.
3. You will make mistakes. Forgive yourself. Learn from them and then get back up and move forward.

As cadet says. You have the gift of time. Use it wisely and to your benefit. This will take time, it will be challenging, but focus on the progress.
My biggest learning in my sitch, is to live in the moment. Looking to the past brings on depression. I can't change the past. Looking to far in the future creates anxiety. Because my mind paints it with the colors of the past. Staying in the moment allows me to let the pain pass quickly, it heightens any joy I may feel, and I can focus on the steps that can provide me with a bright future.

I share this with you to provide hope and peace. I do it also to continue to remind myself of what I must do as I struggle forward each day. But I can tell you I am getting stronger. I am learning much. I am shifting towards the person only a fool would leave.

I lend my support to you and will check in to see how you are doing.
Keep your chin up, believe in yourself and know that you are in my prayers.