Focus on me and my boys

[Rose888]

I wouldn't respond to the text.

I would also not ask her to do things like this in the future. If you have split up nights, you should be self-sufficient for your time.

It sounds like you have some fundamental disagreements about what needs to happen at night and in the morning. I tend to be a night-before prepper too, so my instinct on how to handle this is probably wrong.

[dream]

You guys are separated. She certainly COULD help you out if she's not doing anything during the day. However, she's not required to. I think you need to plan things out for yourself and not rely on her for any support.

[J5K]

I have no issue making lunches for the boys when I am physically in the house but I was not the one there last night or this morning, it was her overnight last night with them.

When we were in court she was adamant that the boys needed to eat dinner by 5:30 or 6pm. So now things change just because she wants to push my buttons? I am more than happy to show my boys how a responsible adult acts.

So it is ok to accept her behavior of not having a job and play SAHM and have an OM? She is literally spending 10s of thousands of dollars on this D. Unless I agree with her terms, there is no compromise on her end. The only way to build a positive relationship with her is to do everything she asks.

[Rose888]

Your wife's behavior is despicable, but you can't control her, only yourself.

Asking her to do things doesn't seem to be doing you any good. It adds conflict, and there is no way to make her do what you want anyway.

[CWOL]

Jim,
Your WW sounds a lot like mine. She works 15 hours a week yet she made a big deal about cooking frozen food in the past. She complains the house was a mess so she wants our maid to come in more often, even though she has oodles of free time. My WW's schedule also consists of going to the gym in the morning and then going to the mall after her 3.5 hours of work for shopping, then nails and hair appointments.
Now she complains about me not being able to take my son to early Little League practices on my days (the coaches changed them to 4pm instead of 5pm due to field conflicts). She doesn't realize her support payment comes from my salary because of the hours I put in...
I am so fed up with the entitlement!

[J5K]

Rose, CWOL,

I agree her behavior is despicable and yes I am fed up with the entitlement also.

Why is it that after 6 months of going through this I still have feelings for her and want this to work out.

Not that I want it to go back to the same routine. I just wanted her to appreciate how hard I worked in order to provide for the family, instead she blasts me for not being present and says she cannot forgive me for calling her a few choice names which I totally regret ever saying. Not making excuses but we were both under pressure.

I guess I will never understand her. Maybe I will when she ends up with someone else and is wearing a huge diamond ring in her next M and is driving a fancy car and wearing expensive clothes and is taken to nice shows and fancy dinners without having to lift a finger at home. I truly hope she finds that guy that will make her happy.

She met a white collar worker in a blue collar state. Guess she needed a white collar guy that works in a high rise building to make her happy because that is the type of person she is with now.

I have scheduled an IC session later this week to start working on myself again to get over this whole scenario.

I feel like whoever gets custody of the boys my reaction will be the same to this whole situation. Sadness for them that their parents will not be together. The pain that I feel today is less about me and more about the loss the boys will have.

[J5K]

Have my interview this afternoon with psychologist. Did not get a lot of sleep last night but I feel a bit more confident about me today.

Like others on this forum I feel that WW is doing a better job at DBing than me. She obviously has a new life in Toronto. Going out GALing and having fun. She never cracks a smile when we do the exchange with the boys while I am always cordial and happy (even if I am faking it). There is also very little talk about the boys and if there is it is short.

I know that if I went the opposite direction and gave her the boys that she would have MIL watch them so she can go GAL. Not that it is a good or bad thing because I will have to do that at some point also but my priority is them. Still feel like she has not hit rock bottom. I guess she never will since she will always have MIL to support her and whatever OM she is seeing.

Did find out from cleaning lady that WW just lets 2 youngest sit and watch TV all day. Cleaning lady said she is willing to testify to this also. Had a lot more info to share with me which favors me maintaining custody hopefully.

[vise82]

Hey JimKao

Just stopping by and giving you support. Keep you chin up, and keep up the pleasant attitude around your W as you will benefit from doing it. Hopefully that good feeling might stick with you the rest of your day.

[J5K]

Thank you Vise!

Appreciate the support.

Also, does anyone know of good tracking software to put on an imac. She continues to use the computer at home. Not that I want to know things about her and what she is doing. I can't control that, I just want to be able to protect myself and the boys during the custody proceedings.

[J5K]

Well, things did not go well today.

The judge decided that the purchase agreement is binding and I will have to move out of the house in the next 45 to 60 days.

My STBXW and the buyer hugged after the decision was made and were so happy. I regret not following through with the D from the beginning but I guess I need to get over this and just move on.

I have no idea as to who was watching my boys this morning while STBXW was in court. I am assuming MIL came down to watch them.

Still a huge question as to where the boys will end up.

I had my interview with the psychologist yesterday. Not really sure how it went. I was just honest and told her how we ended up here.

S4 tells me that all he does with mom is go to the gym and go to Target and get a hot chocolate. She does nothing around the house. S4 just sits and watches TV the rest of the time until brothers get home from school.

STBXW complained about the teachers at school for S6. She continues to make statements that she hates the school and the teachers there are dumb.

This woman never says anything positive about anyone in this state.