Isn't providing empathy me giving in to her cake eating? I guess it's not. Is that what I've never been doing?

Have I never acknowledged her thoughts, or feelings.

One last question. How do I show empathy on her birthday. I plan on wishing her and letting her spend the day the way she wants. But what if she wants me with. Do I go?

Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.