New Couple, Same Old Story 2

[PsySara]

Ralph,
You and I are in the same boat. These spouses of ours...they broke our hearts and we're left with the gaping hole in our chest to fill. Something inside them is very broken and the hardest part is trying to detach and not try and "fix" their brokenness. But we struggle because our instinct is to be that supportive spouse who loves them with their flaws and all. But we have to let them go and leave them to gain their own insight and realize what is wrong with them. It [censored], huh?

As you know I still struggle with detachment, it's the hardest part of this entire process for me. Rationally I know I can't control H and I can't convince him of what a horrible mistake he's making but it does't stop the yearning from within to go to him and plead for him to open his eyes. For now I simply go darkish and try to distract myself. Like you said, it's when the kids are affected that it triggers a desire to pursue. But we won't, we will remain steadfast in repairing our wounds and moving on.