WAS or what (6)

[roist]

Traits to change:
1 With the odd moment of lapse I do not have low self esteem and like myself much more than before this all began. I am not finished becoming who I want to be, so I imagine I will gain even more self esteem as I grow.

2 I guess this is just my nature and hence is slow to change. I have made great progress but all the peices are not in place.............. yet.

3 I don't consistently put my needs last anymore. I don't always put them first either. I don't let my needs get pushed by others.

4. I am definitely less pessimistic in general. Many of the stuff that would have been catastrophic before, I now realize is just inconvenient. Hence not so drastic.

5. I am tweaking and improving my communication. I am letting down some of my own guards. I know to thread carefully with W and not to flood her, but I use many opportunities to communicate that previously I could have missed/let go by. If my W asks my opinion on anything or what do I want to do etc, I NEVER EVER reply I don't know or I don't care. Any such question is an opportunity. I aim to rise to any such opportunity and in doing so I find I am more interesting, so win-win.

Traits I am working towards:

1 Assertiveness/confidence. I am more assertive and confident than before. In the past some kind 2x4s have been swung at me for being a puppet. I am aware of that dynamic and am slowly changing it. I will not let my W or anyone away with blatant disrespect.

2 Decicive. I am more in touch with what I want so making décisions in function is improving. I often ask myself what I want, before deciding stuff. I have been fairly passive in the past so this is a slow process.

3. Optimist/PMA. I choose to be optimistic about my situation. There are many reasons to believe. But more in general, i tend to be more optimistic. I will admit my PMA does not shoot up on the high end of the scale, but I can keep it in the positive side most of the time. But during GAL, I do switch off from my situation and enjoy myself much better than earlier on.

4. empathisz/validation. I am improving these but it is not yet automatic. Sometimes my W could say something and the best I can do is STFU and not retaliate. I am aware I miss some opportunities to validate and intend to work on that.

5. Emotionally open. Again I am improving. Whereas I don't have all of the nice guy traits (or at least not now), I did before have a tendancy to hide my shortcomings/mistakes etc. I now accept who I am warts and all and am able to be open about shortcomings etc. In general I am more open. I look forward to the day I can have a real emotionally open R with my W. If that does not happen, I will with someone else. It is sure. I was a very closed book, but I am now ready and able to share its content.

Overall I am happy with the progress made. I see where there is still work to be done. It is a work in progress and probably always will be.

The downside of improving self esteem and image of self is that I now value myself much more and know I deserve better. Ultimately I may have to decide to walk away, but I am further from doing that than I was six months ago.

For those of you unfamiliar with what I just outlined, it is a tool I borrowed from Caliguy, which helps you become who you want to be. You work to remove some bad traits, work towards some better traits and keep the ones you are happy with. Many here have found it helpful.

I'll have to relook at my actions lists soon to see if I am really meeting my goals.

Thanks for reading