Working on detachment, my anxiety, and the joys of limbo

[Phoebe]

You guys are awesome!

SadHub, you had me laughing, and I really appreciate it when that happens! I mean who wouldn't laugh at the idea of subjecting oneself to awful meditation videos, and calling it fabulous!?!?

It really was a good day. Sorry that you're back to some sleep issues, and that that nosey little birdie messed up your program. Still, better safe than... rested? Not a great trade, is it? Anyway, your approach to just call it a night and get out for a jog is an incredibly admirable one! I'm going to give your approach to the shaking a try - ascribe blame to something specific and see if it helps. I know for certain that if I think about it much it gets worse. I've been trying to ignore it the last few days.

I'm glad to hear that you haven't needed the anxiety meds this week. I take them maybe once a week or less these days, but I feel no guilt if I need to do so.

Painter, I would be driving right by Chi-town, so I would absolutely love that! Let me figure out my plans and come up with a time frame. I don't have any specifics yet.

Therapists must see people cry all the time, but I still have a hard time crying in front of people. My instinct has always been to hide my emotions, so I feel trapped. He's really good when it happens and is very soothing, always telling me it's OK to show it, etc.

I am so sorry to hear about your crying in the grocery store. That must have been really difficult.

I'm with you on your assessment of H's therapist. I think that she really messed up when H went to her after his dad's death. He needed treatment for depression, but she missed it. He didn't see her again until recently, but she has no business validating an affair or his causing so much pain. Gaining happiness at that expense is not OK. I don't know her name, so there's nothing I can do about it. I asked him to find someone else, but... You know.

On the other hand, he could now be lying to that very same therapist. Maybe he didn't tell her about the PA. Lying by omission is his forte.

Tonight I started writing down notes for making my loss history graph. Given that it's to record the losses over my entire life, there was plenty to note. Tomorrow I'm going to turn it into its final form, a timeline on which the events and their relative intensities are plotted. When I see my grief counselor on Wednesday, I will need to read/present it to her. That will be hard. I've been warned in my workbook that I will probably cry, and that I will need to just keep talking through that. That'll be hard. I pretty much can't talk if I'm crying.

I wish you all a restful sleep, and if that fails, then have a good jog, SadHub!!!!!