WAW moved out, spewing anger, trying to detach

[Painter]

There is a big emphasis in DB on detach. DETACH!!! It's in every thread. But to be human, is to have emotions and attachments, and detachment does take time. It takes even more time because we are so wounded and vulnerable. I cannot say that I ever fully detached from H and he was gone for about a year. I think that is where acting as if comes into play. It is going to take a long time to detach, so in the mean time, act as if. 1. they don't deserve to see your vulnerability, and 2. preserve your dignity because your confidence is already shattered.

So take care of YOU first. Act as if. detachment will come in time.
-Blu

Yes, that!

Which I totally failed at. I never was able to not show H how his actions and words impacted me. But I don't know if normal DB'ing would have worked on him. He mirrors rather than reacts, so if I pulled away, he would pull away, too. I know separation can get him to just move on, so I have very little hope for any reconciliation.

I think DB'ing is very effective in many, many cases, but it's also knowing which parts to use with *your* spouse. But Michelle also encourages to do what works, experiment and note the response.