A New Chapter

[DDJ]

I definitely believe that dreams have meaning. When we grow up, we're told "follow your dreams". As we get older we forget to do this. We lose ourselves and we lose the meaning in your dreams, whether it's the ones when we sleep or the ones when we're awake.

[Painter]

Today's thought: I think it's crucial to schedule future events that we are excited about. When living in the here and now is very painful, and that pain draws our attention to the past, something to look forward is vital to distract and encourage us and make us look towards the future.

I thought of this because I realize how helpful it has been to me to have plans and a full-ish schedule. It's not about GAL to look busy to the WAS, but mostly about helping ourselves balance all the pain we experience and grieving we do.

This weekend, son and I planned a fantastic vacation for next summer (he has some job perks that makes it possible for us to go to Europe for an extended period) and we invited his stepsister to come visit us later this summer. Both of those exciting events will help keep my brain busy with planning and future thinking, instead of dwelling in the past.

[SH_]

Painter ,

I love your thoughts here about setting things up to look forward to.

I am going to map this out tonight.
It is said we can only really focus our mind on one thing at a time, and to have this in the holster can surely be a benefit to avoid looking back towards the pain and even avoid creating anxiety about an unknown future.

Thank u for sharing the idea as it is a great one.

[Phoebe]

Another great thought for the day Painter. Your trip for next year sounds wonderful, as does a nice visit from your S's stepsister.

Where are you going to go in Europe? Maybe the rest of us can travel along vicariously?

I've got some travel to plan in the near future, too. I'd been thinking about it, but was stalling. Today my therapist suggested I go do some traveling and get a change of scenery. So, I'm going to take his advice. And yours!!!

[Painter]

SadHub, let us hear about what you plan! I love planning and tossing ideas around. I know it can be hard to muster up any excitement about the future when we're in the middle of unmeasurable pain. Initially, all I wanted was to find a place with a empty beach and turquoise water... Like I needed the sunlight and peaceful ocean to soothe my depression. I'm further ahead now, and enjoying more interaction and staying busy. The more I do it, the more rare the sudden stomach churns and pressing tears become.

Phoebe, I'm so glad your therapist agrees with me! Also want to hear about your travel plans!

So the trip... We plan on starting in Venice, visit Tuscany, Florence and Pisa, (and attend a cooking class for my son and a painting class for me), then drive along the coastline and visit the French Riviera (hopefully with another cooking class and more art), visit Barcelona (more cooking and art), drive along the coast to Gibraltar, then up to Lisbon (where we want to - you guessed it! - cook and paint). Can you tell what our passions are?

I've been to that area before on an extended stay with my son when he was perhaps 9 and we still lived in Europe, but he doesn't remember a whole lot. It will be so fun to go there with him as an adult and revisit some of the places we saw then, and places that are new to us both - on a much more generous budget this time! I went on a visit there with H, as well, but I don't think it will make it difficult. We'll see, it's over a year into the future.

It's interesting. For the last several days, I have had the urge to include something about how H is acting, some bad memory, some analysis about what went wrong - but every time, I've deleted it or decided to skip it before I even typed it out. It's not something I want to think about anymore, because I feel it pollutes what I want my life to be about. I'm sure the distance and minimal contact is helping.

Maybe I'll come back to it at some point, but for now, I honestly can't be bothered. It seems pointless and negative.

[Phoebe]

What an awesome adventure you've got planned! I am so excited for you. I've never been to any of those places, but they sound incredible, and then you'll be cooking and painting along the way!? It sounds amazing, and you'll be with your son, too. It doesn't get any better.

My cross-country drive is pretty tame, but it's soothing in its own way. Just letting the miles roll on by...

Distance and limited contact are the only things keeping me on a semi-even keel these days, so I can absolutely relate to what you're saying. If not talking about him feels right, then go with it.

Sleep well, Night Owl.... I mean Miss Painter!

[Painter]

Who?

[Rose888]

That sounds like an awesome trip, Painter!

I love your attitude.

[SH_]

Hi painter,

I am trying to plan a trip out to Florida. My brother is just moving out there, and time away from here with my D's and time with family would be a great break for me. I am looking to plan other things as well, but wanted to share.

[Painter]

Rose, I expect it will be!

SadHub, that sounds like a great plan! You can have some quality time with family in new surroundings. I bet it will be fun to help your brother explore his new environment. Is it close to a beach at all?